The Covid Diaries - Day 32

Hello my beloveds, 

As every entry starts the same (with an apology) you will have to excuse me for my tardiness. This maybe a new record for me. The last time I posted was 3 years ago! Yikes! (I’ll update you on the boys mentioned in the previous post at the end of this post)

So! Where were we… as usual, too much to get into, so we will have to fast forward to the new and current Covid Diaries. I went into isolation on Wednesday March 11^th 2020. It's been a hell of journey, but I would say I’m pretty well adjusted now and quite in my element. Should we be worried, hell ya! Am I a social butterfly, a hermit or a homebody? I’m all of the above. I look forward to the new world when we see it again. Until then, I’m loving this current state (most of the time). 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still full of shit too. Alison’s mother-in-law Susan died of Covid19 on March 8^th, it's so sad and it hasn’t hit me yet. You’ll know from previous posts that it takes me time to really accept and feel the loss of people. I just coast and carry on for a while, then out of the blue it will hit me. Funerals give me so much closure and I didn’t attend this one. Susan was buried less than 24 hours after passing. This is normal in the Jewish faith (same for Muslims too). Only one of her son’s and his wife where there. Alison’s husband has to WhatsApp video his bother in Italy. 

Normally there would be 7 days where family and friends would sit Shiva. This is not possible right now, plus it's Passover. For any of my dedicated readers who don’t know what shiva is, watch: This is where I leave you. It’s based on a book. The film is just an easy way to understand what Shiva is, even though the family are not Jewish. 

What else, the first few weeks when I could get food delivered, I ordered comfort items like rich tea biscuits etc. I’m now over that nesting phase and have gone back to lots of veg. This Thursday’s delivery is a crazy amount of veg. I’ve decided that when the new world begins, I’ll re-enter it a stone lighter. (For those of you who know what I look like, don’t fret, it's really not that bad. It's just that 5 pounds looks different on me so 14 pounds will look pretty cool)

I’ve mentioned the new world a few times now, what do I mean. Well, here goes nothing. 

This event that we are living though will change us forever. Once we are out of lockdown, the world will not bounce the way we may think it might. There will be some initial hurdles. Will Wembley ever be full again? Who knows. I sure hope so. I actually bought tickets to watch England vs Italy on Friday March 27^th, 2020. It will take time for theatres to reopen again. People will need to find jobs. There will be huge amounts of transition. We will start to see the remains of those who have crumbled with their mental health. Truer figures of domestic abuse will be released too. 

BUT… Let’s talk about the good stuff! Some people have never had so much sleep since being an infant. Families are talking again; gardens have never looked better. Kids are seeing both of their parents. We are getting to know our neighbours. We are cooking more. We laugh more on family zoom calls. Zoom calls with my moms’ side of the family is a real riot. The beginning of the call is all the kids (me and my cousins) reminding our folks to put their hearing aids up. It's only the ones in their 70’s and 80’s, everyone else is ok. 

The first few weeks I wasn’t taking any walks at all. I did some gardening but other than that the only fresh air was opened windows in the house and taking out the wheelie bins. I’m sure there was an element of fear that was keeping me in. However, as we are seeing we are going to be here for the long haul. It’s time to move.  

I’ve been on 4 long walks in the last 5 days. I missed one day because the zoom call with my family killed me. You know I love them but it's hard work at times. My siblings and I had to pretty much yell at my dad to stay home. Tough love in my family is often that last resort that works. We had to remind my dad that (god forbid) if he gets sick. None of us can see him in the hospital. If he died, we couldn’t go to the funeral. You might judge us for being mean, but it worked. He’s staying put. My mom is a front-line worker (nurse) so she’s feeling it.

Back to my walks story. To remind you in case you forgot. I bought my house in 2007 because it was nice enough and neighbourhood looked ok. Only after living here a few months did it dawn on me that I bought in a pretty affluent neighbourhood. My street has become so gentrified over that last few years. Child actors live a few doors down. (The kids in BBC Poldard and Catastrope). I don’t really feel like I fit in here, but I’m not sure where I am supposed to be. (That’s a whole other blog post, so I’ll park that ) So! I’ve been exploring and walking around these streets. So many houses, families everywhere. It's been amazing. Some of the joys I have witnessed was a family on a jog. The mom was in the front and then behind her were her 2 kids, I’m guessing 8 and 10 years old, followed by her husband. That was definitely my rose of the day. [if you have forgotten, you have to end everyday with remembering what your rose and thorn was for the day. The good and the not so good] 

Today’s Rose was sooo simple and beautiful. I was walking down the road, in my leggings, vegan t-shirt, baseball hat, bum bag (yes you heard right, this is not a fashion show) and my headphones. Due to the fact that I absolutely love homes, I check each one out. I passed a house with the front door open and a very elderly man with his Zimmer frame was just watching the world go by. I smiled and waved at him and he waved back. I wonder if he knows that he made my day.

Time to start wrapping up. My sister and mom are in a condo block on the 15^th floor. They do have a balcony but it faces a car park, you can see Lake Ontario in the distance. Canada is not encouraging walks etc so they are stuck. My sister was going a little stir crazy so she sent my brother and I some questions. I added 3 more questions and neither of them replied. I do ask the tough questions.  Have a look at our replies. My next post will be to go into this a bit further. 

My answers:

1. Favourite Colour: turquoise 

2. Favourite junk food: popcorn 🍿

3. Favourite Pizza Toppings: mushrooms 🍄

4. Comfort food: potato 🥔

5. Favourite Dessert: rice pudding

6. Hot beverage you love: hot chocolate 

7. Favourite card game: solitaire 

8. Movie to make you cry: My Girl when I was young. God’s Own Country now

9. Movie to make you laugh: We’re the Millers

10. Favourite Holiday: Easter 🐣

11. Favourite article of clothing: warm socks and scarfs

12. Prized possession: 2 valid in date passports = democracy & freedom

13. Favourite place in your home: my bed / my bedroom 

14. Favourite place in your city/town: one of the parks. Highgate woods, Hampstead Heath, St.James Park 

15. Favourite place on earth: a place where I feel safe. Not sure yet where that is. I did love the Serengeti 

16. Describe what love feels like in one word?

17. What scares you the most in the world?

18. Do you believe in God?

My sisters’ answers:

1. Favourite Colour: dark red

2. Favourite junk food: cheeseburgers

3. Favourite Pizza Toppings: cheese and pepperoni 

4. Comfort food: rice and yogurt with salt

5. Favourite Dessert: good quality chocolate ice-cream

6. Hot beverage you love: grande half sweet peppermint mocha from Starbucks. 

7. Favourite card game: asshole

8. Movie to make you cry: Beaches

9. Movie to make you laugh:  sooo many... Bridget jones diary.

10. Favourite Holiday: my birthday! 

11. Favourite article of clothing: my mint green nike running shoes. & a grey pyjama t-shirt i have had for 9 years. 

12. Prized possession: passports & pearl earrings

13. Favourite place in your home: in my bed

14. Favourite place in your city/town: Art Gallery of Ontario 

15. Favourite place on earth: Interlaken, Switzerland.

My brothers’ answers:

Questions for siblings!

1. Favourite Colour: blue?

2. Favourite junk food: cookies

3. Favourite Pizza Toppings: cheese pepperoni green peppers and mushroom

4. Comfort food: kitchri? 

5. Favourite Dessert: chocolate cake 

6. Hot beverage you love: tea 

7. Favourite card game: rummie

8. Movie to make you cry: Armageddon / a league of their own

9. Movie to make you laugh: She’s the man

10. Favourite Holiday: Pride

11. Favourite article of clothing: McGill hoodie

12. Prized possession: passport

13. Favourite place in your home: bedroom

14. Favourite place in your city/town: jimmy’s coffee

15. Favourite place on earth: a beach?

To recap the boys post:

-        As of new years eve, Michael is alive with prostate cancer. He doesn’t reply to my texts. I think he is still living in hostel, and his post still goes to his old home. 

-        My Scottish friend is good. He and his wife were almost stuck in Lanzarote but got back to the UK. After self-selection. They are both good.

-        I haven’t heard from the friend who retired. He is way up north. 

Peace out

Lxx

Boys

Hello kids,

It’s been a while! Sorry for the radio silence.

As usual its unfashionably late and this is not the time to be blogging but I’m in the sharing mood so here I am!

Adam at work has also been emailing me telling me that he’s giving up on randomly checking the blog for the latest entry so here it is.

I still find boys and girls sooo interesting so let’s talk about boys. No boy has landed on my lap yet (did I ever tell you about my fantasy of sitting on the tube when the driver suddenly stops and this amazing man stumbles and ends up on my lap)… that’s what I’m waiting for.

I can tell you about lots of other boys that all make me smile.

A few hours before I was departing for Glastonbury in June I was talking to neighbor Michael who is in his 60’s. I‘ve mentioned him before, his beloved partner of 30 years died in October and he is having to move. They never married and her kids and the bank want the money. Its beyond awful and a note for all of us to sort out our fianances. Anyhow.. we are chatting away and I tell him that I need to dash, pack and get on the road. He last words to me were to have fun… and come back older. How sweet is that, I suppose that’s flirting without being gross and seedy.  I just smiled and gave him a hug.

Quick diversion as we’re on the topic of Michael and hugs, my mother was in town in June. It was a difficult strained visit. When she left she didn’t hug me or tell me that she loves me. Her last words were to take care. We have not spoken since. These things happen, it is what it is. Michael who also has prostate cancer and broken heart was able to show me more love and kindness than the person who gave birth to me. As I said, it is, what it is.

Next boy, In June I also went to Edinburgh for a few days to listen to my favorite speaker talk about inner peace, Prem Rawat. Whilst there I met up with a work colleague / friend who I got to know in 2014, when we were on a 1 week residential course. He drove me around and showed me the sites. It was so nice. There is something so great when girls and boys can be friends and fully confide in each other without judgment. Like almost every person I know, we are so different. He is married with 2 sons, at times he jokes about me ending up with his sons and then he says that I’m too good for them. This makes me laugh.

Tonight I had drinks with another colleague who is retiring at the end of the month. He is 66, he too is a sweet guy who says if he was only 30 years younger… Boys are such funny things. At one point in the evening we were reciting famous quotes about love and sex. One that he told me that I really like comes from Oscar Wilde. ‘For men the price of sex is intimacy, for woman the price of intimacy is sex’. This quote gives a lot to chew on. What do you kids think? Please post opinions in the comment section. Oh and the reason we were talking about love is that he cant figure out why I haven’t been snapped up yet. ( sooo good for a gilrs ego!)

Oh I was crying this morning, it was short and brief but let me share. I have a colleague that has no tact or sensitivity. He was making jokes about the fact that train drivers get full retirement as soon as 3^rd person jumps in front of his/her train. This is not something to be happy about or to wish upon anyone. Not even 5 minutes later he then started talking about kids/young adults that might take their own life if they get poor A-level results tomorrow. To be clear, I did not start crying when he said all this shit, it was only later when I was talking to another colleague about the other persons lack of sensitivity that I got frustrated / upset.

That’s it for now,

I’ve met some pretty fantastic people this year, and veganism is changing my life daily for the better. Will tell ya more soon

Peace out and love one another… if you can't, the be kind to one another
L xx

What's going on out there?

Music makes my world go round. I've said this many times before. I'll try and recap what's been going on. While in Amsterdam I was out of the loop with news.

On Monday morning I wake up to see that Chris Cornell (sound garden) 52 had died on Thursday. It was an RIP Instagram post. Immediately my head just jumps to the fact that it was probably suicide. 52 is young. (Most of you know that I've lost a good few men / friends to suicide.) It's the biggest killer of men under the age of 45. Unfortunately after reading the Rolling Stones article I got even more upset to hear that Ativan played a major part in his death. I also know someone else who also attempted to end their life while taking Ativan.

These Big Pharma companies make me sick. The system is so corrupt, these companies have the money to pay the lobbyists and pretty much have a political say. It's not as bad in the UK as the US but it's still happening. 

It's the same thing with Veganism when it comes to the big dairy and cattle industries. They are all in bed with one another. Go watch #whatthehealth

And how about this, 2 nights before I had a deep and meaningful conversation with someone about mental health and we discussed our individual experiences with loved ones who took their own life. 

I went to bed with a heavy heart. Just thinking about Chris, his wife and the children he left behind.

Then comes this morning, I wake to find out what's happened in Manchester. Again more deep sadness. Why is there such evil

March 2017 update

. I've spent 16 years now in north London and finally things are starting to aline. Many of you from small towns will probably take this completely for granted. If you were to talk to someone about a product that you bought or a gym class or your dentist. You might actually know what the other person is talking about or where to find it. You might live in a town that only has one Tesco or one Sainsbury's. This is not the case for me. I live in a big city that is populated with millions of people. My circles until now have never crossed.

Have a listen to all the 'crossing' that's been happening since March 1st 2017. A lot of this is North London but I feel that I've finally arrived. I don't know how else to explain it. Most of these stories all happened at the recent wedding in Israel.

When I worked at the NHS there was a guy in IT. At the wedding someone who knew I worked at this specific NHS trust asked if I knew him. She then went on to say that her neighbour's daughter was to marry him. Random, but I actually know who he is.

I'm talking to a guy about yoga and reiki and he tells me that he has had reiki done by Carly Garce. I then burst out with, 'OMG! Carly is my reiki master!' Wow! We then go on to talk about the infrared sauna at the yoga studio he attends. I've never been, don't have a membership, it's more than I can fork out at the moment.

I'm taking to a guy about veganism and he says that his favourite restaurant is vegan (although he is not) and it's Vantra/Vitao. I'm like, OMG! I'm going there on Saturday for the first time. It's my friends hen party.

At another point I'm talking to the groom's cousins husband and my first job in the U.K. comes up. I use to work at JD Sports on Oxford Street in the 90's. He asked if I knew Kofee and Pam. YES! Pam was my boss and Kofee was her partner. He grew up with Kofee in east London. Random again!

At one point I'm messaging a friend and randomly we are taking about favourite animals and he says once it was a wolf. 🐺 2 days later at breakfast I'm holding one of the wedding guests gorgeous baby son. His name is wolf in Hebrew.

There is just umpteen things / comments that have happened. I often forget how educated I am when it comes to religions and faiths. I took classes in Judaism in college. (As well as Islam and Catholicism - also went to catholic school runed by nuns). If I had a buck / pound for every time someone asked me if I was Jewish I would be rich! They would only ask me once we were talking, as I'm quite aware of customs words traditions etc.

On the last day at breakfast I had a load of people stopping me because they loved my tshirt. I've had it a few months and it's never got so much love before.
It reads:
Race: Human
Politics: Freedom
Religion: Love

Friday March 10th 2017 (still on annual leave)

I started my day off with the necessary adult duties of laundry. Once I had a load washed and hung, I headed out to my friend Ellie. She's a new friend however our conversations and thoughts are so aligned. I've never been to Ellie's house so I met her south of the Thames. She's doing an online tarot card course so she pulled a load of tarot cards for me. The message that kept on coming over and over was to just chill, let go, stop thinking and just be. This is the story of my life but I feel that I'm always need reminding.

Ellie is fortunate enough to have a infrared sauna in her spare room. (Lucky ducky - I'll get one, one day) the medical benefits of infrared sauna's are really amazing. It's very different to a normal sauna and far more powerful. Towards the end of my visit I sat in there naked for 45 minutes and even had a nap. She was doing paperwork work downstairs, plus she uses the sauna for 20 minutes daily. Very few places in London have these types of saunas. There is a place in Notting Hill that charge £38 for 20 min! Yikes! I know I won't be able to use Ellie's sauna often but it was a delightful treat. Thank you x

Now let's talk about the universe and money. I'm surviving but not flourishing financially. I would like to pay off all debts, flourish and give more to charity. (Since the age of 16 - I give to charity).

The day before I was flying out to Israel, it dawned on my that I actually need some jewellery to wear with the dress. I was rushing around town and by the time I finished buying all the bling it was £80. I only wear real jewellery so fake stuff is a one off. Once I was in Israel, on a free day I went to the local mall and found much better and cheaper things that I purchased and used instead. So yesterday I did some returns and got £62 back! Thank you universe.

For a while now the bottom corner of my phone cover/case has been broken. So when I drop my phone on that corner, it's completely exposed and not protected. The cover that I had was an apple original product. They are expensive in my option but I love that they are silicone (vegan) and no slip, good grip. I've decided recently that it's high time I get a new cover seeing the last time I dropped my phone the corner got chipped. I walk into apple and picked a new cover. While chatting to the girl who is taking my payment I point to my existing cover and say, I hope it doesn't break here again. She then asked how long I've had it. '11 months and I have the electronic receipt!' Her reply was, 'Well then, we'll just swap it free!' Thank you universe for just saving me £35

I've had a swatch watch since I was a teen. I don't always wear it, but I own it. The battery in my swatch stopped about 2 years ago. I was about to head over Timpson's as I passed Swatch. I walked in to see what they charge. Free for all swatch watches! Thank you Universe (worth noting that Timpsons and Greggs the baker hire ex convicts / criminals and people with spent convictions. I believe in reform and support these companies)

I'm walking around town and bumped into my old housemate. He moved out in February and only lasted 3 months. That's very short. Most of the guys I live with stay for about 3 years. This guy was in a bad place and I suppose we both thought that it would work out. Well it didn't and it was a relief when he left. He's got some major stuff to sort out in his life. None the less I wished him well when he left, and knew nothing about his new movements. It was nice to talk to him for a couple minutes and he's doing better. Although he too was released back to the universe and no longer in my life. I was still curious. Now I know he's ok ish.

Saturday March 11th 2017 - Bride number 2's hen party

This was quite a interesting group of people. From the look of things, I think the bride has a variety of different circles of friends. Pro's and cons. Many knew each other but I'm guessing few know her. That's not the case for me. We met on a residential yoga retreat in Portugal in 2013.  Since then 80% of our catch-ups are walking around parks. Nothing beats a good walk and talk.

Anyhow, back to this group. I was not feeling it at all. Many were super bitchy, even when they were trying to be nice it was so forced. I survived as I always do, however it's unlikely I will socialise with this crew. I did a whole lot of people watching and observing. Occasionally I had to speak up when it came to the vegan stuff.

Might as well start with that. The bride is not a 110% vegan like me. She's probably a 60% she tries but also eats a load of non vegan food. Fish, dairy meat etc. Why I've given her a 60% it's because she's does full vegan meals often and sometimes does full vegan days. Anyhow, the point of this explanation, is that it was the bride who picked the vegan restaurant! NOT ME (thank you universe none the less for delivering)

Before the first activity - scavenger hunt even began. One of the girls was complaining about the evening meal. What's wrong with people. She hasn't even gone there yet or looked at the menu. Her negative energy was constant throughout the day. And would you guess who had a shitty day? HER! Serves her right. During the scavenger hunt she refused to wear the 'Where's Wally / Wanda?' hat and glasses 👓. The rest of us all made the effort. Her day got worse when we went for dinner. Due to her making loads of harsh vegan comments, I was able to give her some back, in a kinder gentler way. Other people had loads of positive comments and I would reply. 'Thank you for being understanding and excepting, what I'm doing is for myself and I'm not telling other people what to do.' You could tell that the meanie knew that message was intended for her. She's gone now, I've released her back to the universe immediately.

Let's talk about passing judgement / opinion. Is it humanly possible to not have some kind of opinion on most matters? I'm careful to avoid confrontation and keep my opinions to myself. We are all entitled to our own thoughts.  - At the same table is a pregnant lady. She was 2 people away so although I could hear everything, I wasn't involved in the conversation. Her parents are abroad and she only wants them to come once the baby is 3 weeks old. She is hiring a night nurse!
You guys should live in my head for a few minutes if you can handle it. Let's recap what's going on in my head. 'What the fuck! A night nurse! Seriously!'
I'll stop there. I don't want to loose any of my faithful readers. Thinks that's only one or two people. Lastly, when it came to the same person. We were talking about where we live. Her reply was the beginning of her post code. What the fuck again! Seriously! I know my London postcodes, I also know it's one, if not the most expensive postcode in the country. Who fucking cares! Just say where the fuck you live. Man some people really piss me off.

Sunday March 12th 2017 - full moon!!

The wonders of Mother Nature are on display at Columbia Road Flower Market. Such a special place on a Sunday morning in London. I've got flowers for my bedroom, the office at work and some for the house. Pictures on Instagram

Later that day, I met up with a friend and her daughter. I don't see her often and we have little small talk. Her life, childhood, upbringing and employment is so different to me. It's very hard to relate. So when we talk, I ask real questions. If I wanted to talk about the weather. I would talk to my beloved father. (He still mentions the weather in 50% of all our conversations, texts and emails)

Anyways. A few days later I've received a text from her saying: Yes I'm fine, thanks. I don't know how to say this diplomatically but I didn't enjoy our last meet-up, as so often happens after seeing you i ended up feeling interrogated and judged. I do genuinely know you don't mean to, but this seems to be the dynamic that has developed between us. Apologies if this comes across as harsh, I don't know how else to put it...

Oh well, what can I do. I see it like it is. If you don't want an intelligent emotionally deep, caring, loving friend. Then there is not much I can do.

If there is only one word on my grave stone it would read 'Friend' and one day I hope it changes to 'Loved'

While we are talking about the friendship cull. Let's talk about another friend of mine. This one is a male. I've known him since 2004, that's a while ago now. Anyways, he kind of wants me but can't have me. He's not my type but he is a great friend. He hasn't tried any real moves over the years. He did once hold my hand in the cinema before I pulled it back. I really don't want guys getting the wrong impression. I'm not a player, it's wrong to give people hope when there isn't any at all. He's got a lot of crap going on in his life. I've learned a lot in the last few years. I don't take on people's 'stuff', if I can help with my friendship then I will. That's it, that's all. So last month I had a really painful bacterial chest infection (think I might still have it). So I was texting him and tell him and his asshole reply was 'I can rub your chest for you'

Seriously! What a stupid fucker! There's another person off the list. He doesn't have the balls either to confront his stupidity. I didn't reply and haven't heard from him either

Think I'll end there, this is getting long

Laters

Lxx

Vegan? Seriously? YES!!!!!

Hi all, where to begin.

Let's start with the whole Vegan thing. It seems to be causing a whole lot of shit amongst people and I just don't get it?

What ever I may be doing, I'm doing it to myself. I'm not hurting anyone or anything. I may be posting lots of things on Instagram but that's social media. I'm not walking up to you or anyone telling you what to do. You have your own lives and I have mine. There is plenty of literature out there to help you form your own decisions.

This now brings me to stupid things people say.

This morning at the hotel restaurant, I did my standard thing and go to the chef to let he or she know that I've arrived. Another lady severed me and was going to the kitchen to pass on the message. I explained that I'm a  Teev-oh-NEET which is vegan in Hebrew, (boys are Teev-oh-NEE).

Even though restaurant/ kitchen staff should have a basic understanding of what that is, I quickly run through it with them. No meat, dairy, eggs, seafood etc. She then looks at me and says in English 'So you don't eat anything?'
She kind of threw me off so my reply was, 'I eat vegetables'. Even as the words were coming out of my mouth I was thinking, 'whoa, you eat way more than just veggies'. I then immediately came back and said, I eat lentils and was about to carry on but she got it. She cut the conversation and went to order my food.

Now lets progress to the insensitivity of some shit-heads that exist out there. I posted a picture of what I think to be a very cute piglet wearing 4 red wellie boots. I wrote, 'What a cutie, how could anyone want to eat him?'

Some 'not so bright spark' replied with, 'Very easily and with ketchup!'

How can people be so rude and confrontational. Why? Haven't people learned to keep thier offensive options to themselves.

Next on my rant. My family are coming to London in the next few months. I have told them that my home is vegan and only vegan food is allowed. This simple request has turned their world upside down. My sister is now complaining that she can't afford a hotel. - what the hell? All I'm saying is eat vegan when you're in the house. If you fancy eating dead animals. Do it elsewhere. My dad has now asked if he can eat takeaway in the shed? Seriously? These people sound like they have never gone a day or meal in their life that didn't contain meat, dairy, eggs etc. Have they forgotten that my mom has been a veggie for over 30 years? This is just exhausting.

For my closing note, I found this on the internet. Shame that I've struggled a lot at times.

The modern Hebrew word for veganism is tiv-o-NOOT, which predates the word "vegan" by almost a decade, making Hebrew possibly the first language to have a word for the vegan diet.

Open your eyes

All you/we/us have to do is open our eyes.

There is so much love out there if you just look. Look 👀

For the sake of this blog, A's groom / husband is call G, his mom, from the previous entry is S.

I'm so happy that the Bride A is marrying into this family. There is so much love even though they want to ring each others neck sometimes. That's normal. Last night after 14 of us went and watched the the light show at the Tower of David. After it ended we needed to make our way back to the hotel. Some of us wanted to walk. (I love sightseeing) and others were beyond shattered and a taxi home was what they needed. S wanted to walk and so did I. Another 4 joined us while the others cabbed it. Before G made his decision he asked his mom if she wanted him to walk with her. S isn't old but she does stumble occasionally and the pavement is old. Very old in parts of Jerusalem.

I could tell that G wanted someone to be with S, and he was happy for that person to be him. I was also happy to be with her so I told him 'I've got her' I grabbed her arm and we lived happily ever after.

No, but really, even our subconscious mind has the ability to love. G, just puts himself out there for the people he loves and cares about. I'm just so happy that A has found her penguin. [side note of when I knew that G was right for A. Even before they met, G's father had died. During his last year of his life G went to the hospice every day to see his dad. - My last birthday was a bit of shamble. I invited a million people and only 5 people came. 5 important people. As the evening unwinded G had to go to another party and he said I could come along. (I was dressed up for a party) A was tired and went home. At the restaurant with his friends we all ordered our meals. Once the food arrived, one of the others girls dishes was wrong. He offered to swap his food with her's. That kind of kindness is not seen all that often. I knew then that he was a keeper. ~ a lot of my friends have chosen to be with people that that I'm just not sure of. My gut is unsure. - I'm sure about G]

I'm jumping around a lot, need to make this speedy as I've got to get up and head out soon. I'm going to walk to Temple Mount as the sun rises.

The group of wedding guests so far are so diverse. Diversity is so amazing, we need to embrace it more and stop being fearful of the unknown. The party so far contains guests who's home country are; Canada, Romania, Brazil, Poland, United Kingdom. As well as more diversity when it comes to our skin colour and sexual orientation and religion. There a black girl, and a Muslim gay guy too. The world is full of so much, so let's mix it up.

In less that 2 hours I will visit a historic sight that millions have fought over for centuries. All 3 large faiths believe bit is theirs. - the answer is, everything.... is everyone's.

Peace out
L xx

The adventure begins

So I'm starting this entry on the flight to Israel.

The next 9 days are are going to be full on and a whole lot of fun.

So far one wedding guest has not made it on the flight. She didn't do her online check in with the budget airline and the flight was over booked. Hopefully she'll be on a later flight today.

This morning I took a cab to A's mother in law 'S'. She's got a big heart ❤️ and a big mouth. I'm sure she won't mind me saying that. She can talk for England. I was struggling to even stay awake at 3:30 am when I hadn't even slept, while she was yapping away. Despite being sleep deprived, I find humans so interesting and fascinating. This might have to do with awareness of myself and my own thoughts. S is a worrier and she worries to a whole new level. She lets small things wind her up and can get worked up very quickly. The taxi to the airport was late, and she was not at all pleased. I don't know her that well and it's rude for me to tell her what to do, so I just listen and support.

Back to people watching (my past time)

I'm now with A's parents as we are about to go through immigration and her mom is having a go at her dad for loosing the kindle. She's not yelling at him but is clearly upset and saying, 'I know better than to give you things, you always loose my stuff'.  (She gave the kindle to her son to hold.) When she did realise she apologised to her husband, and was genuinely sorry. That's a start for sure, more people must say sorry and mean it.

I wonder what I'll be like, when I grow up (yes I know, I'm grown). I like to think I'll be chill. I'm getting there through lots of conscious thoughts. I really try hard to not sweat the small stuff. I succeed most of the time.

I still want to kill my housemates for how badly they wash dishes, but with very very deep breaths. I rewash the very dirty dishes and move on.

I use to tell myself that all the bad stuff is in the past and now it's smooth sailing, I'm pretty damn sure I'm right. The amount of 'life stuff' that I have lived though and experienced is vast. I think because there has been so much,  I deal with new things very quickly. Almost anything will come up and it instantly goes straight on the scale of life:

Does this really matter or not?

And guess what folks, the answer to most things is: It's doesn't matter.

It's just a tiny part of the picture. Focus on the big picture. Who cares if some of the megapixels of our life's image is a bit fucked. If you just stand back and have a look at the picture, everything is as it should be. You don't even have to squint.

I'm going to end this, with one of my favourite old school quotes. 'There's no point in crying over spilled milk'

The universe

I'm so sleepy so this will be quick but I want to say a few things. 

It's might have taken me my entire life to really whole heartedly start practicing what I preach. BUT I'm doing it! I'm doing it a lot, I'm doing it constantly.

This doing is just being grateful! And the more grateful I am, the happier I am. And the happier I am, the people around me are happy to.   The more I give, the more I get back. 

Here is a snippet of this week. 

A colleague came to me at my desk and said that she could feel the positive energy coming from me and my desk. WOW! Other than the normal things, I had some blueberry and raspberries on it. 2 crystals,  amethyst and calcite. And a bottle of dōTERRA essential oil that I'm using on a spot. (When will I stop getting spots!). I didn't even know how to answer her, I just told her that being a vegan is the way to go and that that crystals are fun. Maybe I could have come up with a better answer but it was all I could think of. 

Normally I don't get stopped to much by strangers although I don't mind at all. I often just stop and help tourists when they look lost. Well I was almost at work when a young girl (18ish) stopped me for directions. She was looking for the local disability Center. She had a printed map and her iPhone but was struggling. As I was talking to her I could tell that she had a disability herself. (Learning disability possibly) she asked me if I was walking in that direction. I soooo wanted to take her there myself but i didn't. I can't fix the world, and I did need to go to work. I did the next best thing. I encouraged her, that might have been all she needed. I pointed her in the right direction and gave her instructions to go to a landmark as then ask again as people will help her. Me just telling this stranger what to do actually helped her. She thanked me and I told her, 'you can do it, you'll be fine!'

Today's been fun. 

Background. I don't spend a lot of time with females. I am a girl and have very good friends that are girls, however they are all busy and just text. (Boring)

I live with 2 guys and spend most of my work life either talking to guys or going to lunch with my guy friends / colleagues.

I actually miss girls! I didn't think I would ever say that but it's true. (Went to an all girls school) Girls do have the ability to be bitchy but they also tell it to you strait. Girls are also great at complimenting each other.

I started my day having hair ripped out of me. Also known as visiting the waxing lady. I've known her now for more than a decade. She really messed me about last week with changing the appointment times etc and cancelling. I could have confronted her, or I could just leave it. Sometimes leaving it, is actually better. We had a good chat about other things. She's the age of my mother but has always asked me for advice. I told her straight, she needs to love herself more. Love is the answer to everything. 

Back to the Universe part. Just this week I binned an old bra. I hate throwing away old bras. They are so comfortable, but when there is no real point in even wearing the bra. It's a sign that it must be replaced.

I walk into Victoria Secret to find a lovely notice saying. £10 off all bra's today! #thankyouuniverse

The lady was so nice and we were admiring my beautiful breasts. Not in a lesbian kind of way but in a cool girl way. I'm just chatting away telling her that I love my breasts and calling them my bad boys. (Yes I know I'm nutty) by the time I left, she too was calling my boobs bad boys! Well! I was telling her that I've lost so much weight since I've become a vegan 110%! That's why I need new bras. She was telling me how she's gained and I've told her to give veganism a shot. I was also telling her how much happier I feel too. Anyhow! I'm amazed with what size my new bra's are? 
Guess!

Go on, guess? 
32DDD 

Seriously? 
What the hell! 
How did that happen. I mean, I have had these pups for a while, but I suppose I thought some of my breasts were fat or food. Who knows. I've lost weight in other parts of my body but not my breasts. Again! Lucky girl, #thankyouuniverse

Then I get a call from my cousin's wife offering me a free ticket to join her to see Shakespeare's Love Labour Lost. Why the hell not! It's been ages since I've seen a play. Shakespeare English does throw me off at times but I got the jist of it. 

Prior to meeting her I grabbed a quick vegan burrito and fancied a chocolate brownie. I turned around, and not only did I find a vegan brownie (I wouldn't have bought it otherwise) it was also gluten free. #thankyouuniverse

Whole foods also had Karma Cola. I've pretty much weened myself off of Coke Cola but I do miss it. Karma Cola is fair trade and all of the ingredients are readable. (We shouldn't eat foods if we can't pronounce the ingredients, nor know what's in it)

Back to my cousin's wife D. In august her husband T, died after drinking himself to death. It's been hard and I took the week off to sort out his funeral. (Much too much to explain). The nice thing today was seeing her doing so well. She misses him, but is also embracing her time here on earth. She's going out and living again. For years she had/chose to take care of him and his addiction. Now she goes to the theatre to see plays! Her new job had brought good people into her life. I'm so happy for her. 

After the play I went to get some bits for A's wedding. 

I'll keep this short. Bought vegan makeup (feel so good about my decisions).

I was served by so many nice people. The nail polish lady wants me to come back and show her pictures! 

Just a nice day and I'm so thankful 

Peace out 

L xx

Oops that took a while

Hello people,

It's been a while a long ol' while.

Well today I finally got some news and it was good.

I'm got a new job whoop whoop! It's only taken 3 whole years! Of could I could have looked externally but there is something about security, long service and a good pension. I'm staying put and will join a new department. Same money too but I'll be happier! I'll do everything in my power to be happier. I promise myself that. I promise you too.

How are you all?

I can tell you I'm ecstatic that 2016 is almost over. I don't want to jump the gun nor do I want some bad shit to happen in the remainder of 2016 but it's been tough. Really tough.

There has been quite a few stories here and there. My goal, my aim and want is to live a live drama free. I do struggle though when shit happens around me or in the world.

Let's rewind a bit. I was seriously messed up when Jo Cox was murdered. Democracy is a beautiful amazing thing. Express yourself that way. Don't go killing people.

When the nightclub shooting happened in Florida I called brat face (the bro - (gay but that shouldn't matter)) crying my eyes out saying 'why do they want to hurt you! Nothing is wrong with you!'

I love my bro and sis and everyone. I just want everyone to stop hurting eachother.

Anyhow. I'll end this very very late entry and say that I hope to do better with blogging. I enjoy sharing my thoughts with you and the ether.

Peace out peeps
Be good to each other.

I've leave you with an amazing entry from a Leonard Cohen interview in the 60's and the song of the year. Or better know as my song of the year.

Leonard Cohen 1967 CBC interview

Interviewer: A lot of your poems have to do with love. Or what do you think about love? Do you have a kind of an impression of what love is? A kind of definition?

Leonard Cohen: Well, I like to be taught. You know, that's I think that's what I want everybody to do, is to teach me about that. You know, I think that when you meet a person, at any moment you want to be taught about love because there's so much evidence to the contrary. We have the word it's in the air you know, but there's so much evidence to the contrary. You look around you look at the lack of generosity. In yourself. You know, the things you are unwilling to concede that the many ways that you can't love. So that, I'm continually looking for someone to tell me about it. And I try to provoke that exchange by perhaps writing a poem that says you know like, "where are you Judy where are you Anne?" You know, tell me.

Show me love.

The final part of this entry is thanks to my boyfriend Shaun W Keaveny on BBC 6 Music. If you haven't already been listening to him you should. He cracks me up and sends good tunes my way.

He introduced me to the house martins and the caravan of love. Beautiful song. Listen and enjoy.

Oh and incase I haven't mentioned already. I'm going to Glastonbury for the 5th consecutive year in a year. I rock and I'm luck as fuck.

Love love love
❤️

Suck it up Buttercup

Hello All,

Suck it up Buttercup is going to be my self-motto of 2016!

I am going to make a real conscious push to not complain. Of course all my complaints are 100% justified and valid however I’m going to try really hard and just not complain. I can hear some of you already laughing at me.

I made a whole lot of decisions towards the end of 2015, that I wanted to implement in 2016. I suppose you can also call them goals.

One of the really, really big ones is to get out of debt for good and live within my means. This means not purchasing anything at all on credit. I have to have the money or else I just can’t have it. Additionally while I have to live with what I have, I need to pay for all the things that I already have, that includes the credit cards. Now I am a lucky ducky and have ‘shit hot’ credit so the banks are always offering me the best of everything. I’m in a very privileged position to say that I’ll be paying this all off at 0% yippee!!! I did a balance transfer in November, which has prepped me for my 2016/2017 plans. It might take a while but I’m on board.

I have wanted to sort this out forever but just never got around to it. Who likes those people that are all talk and no action. Not me! but that’s how I was behaving.

So how did I make this 360 degree change, you ask? It was this crazy American guy called Dave Ramsey. I’ve been listing to his podcast daily and watching a whole lot of Americans on Youtube. He talks about zero balance budgeting. Every dollar/pound that comes into your account needs to have a place to go. It needs to be allocated. He also talks about the cash envelope system, which is something else that I’m doing. I’m not going to write much on this as all you have to do is Google Dave Ramsey and his baby steps. I’m on baby step 2! I’m going to have to cut back on holidays, shopping etc. (Warning: I would like to say personally there are moments I find it difficult listening to him. He’s really religious, gun loving, anti Obama redneck. If we ever met it real life it would not go down well. None the less, his opinion on money is interesting a worth a listen)

Lucky for me I have a few exciting things lined up that I purchased in 2015 for events in 2016. This year I will be gong to Glastonbury for the 4^th year on the trott! I can’t wait!!! I also managed to bag tickets to see Adele, Coldplay and The Maccabees this year. Puls I have one big holiday in March. It’s not a place that I have ever had on my list, its not really my bag… but I’m going to Las Vegas to get hitched! No not really… It’s my moms 60^th birthday and of all the million places in this great world of ours, she wants to go to Vegas. So being the worlds best child ever, I’ll tag along. My brother and sister will also be there with a few of my moms closest friends who are willing to indulge in these shenanigans. I think I might have mentioned this before but I’m not very British when it comes to drinking with my family. I absolutely hate being around my folks when they drink, they rarely get drunk but its not fun. Who knows how I’m going to survive this trip but wish me luck. I’ll be in Vegas over Easter.

After the above list of fun things, I have nothing else lined up at all. I’ve heard this term that makes me laugh but will also be very relevant to me. It’s called ‘The Summer of Suck’. I’m going to have to find fun entertaining things to do that cost almost nothing. No trips abroad, camping weekends maybe?

Oooh I have found a new pastime activity that I like. I’m upcycling furniture and making things. You should all check out Annie Sloan. She’s British but way more popular in the US. Her thing is chalk paint. Last weekend I painted 2 old IKEA kitchen stools and then waxed them one night this week. I’m pretty good at painting and have painted almost every room in this house. While on the topic of houses, this last November, house and I celebrated 10 years together! Can you believe it! I’ve been a homeowner for 10 years!! Kinda cool don’t ya think. There is still so much to do when you have a home that is 119 years old! Its time I get a new kitchen but… I’m sticking to the plan. Finish the baby steps and then see what money is left, I would also like to pay off my mortgage by the time I’m 45. I have no idea how I’ll find that extra money but I’ll try.

In the past I have spoken about aging but thought I would say a little more about that. I like aging. I think I’m doing a pretty good job of it. I’m so much more resilient about so many things and I’ve learned so much over the years. People occasionally still manage to hurt me but less and less so. I have also learned to live with different kinds of relationships. Long gone are the best friends. I might use the word out of habit but I don’t have best friends anymore, they are all busy doing their own thing. Some of them call me from time to time. Some of them make the effort to see me, some don’t. Either way… its ok. I’ve made a life of my own. I so rarely get board these days, I enjoy my own company so much. I’m growing into me, life just fits better. There is no change in actually knowing what my bright future holds but its bright. I don’t know what will be… but it will be.

The same things that make my world go round from the beginning remain. Love & Music… that’s it, that’s all.

I know a few people that don’t listen to music very often at all, almost never. They listen to BBC 4 and that’s about it. They both have very good jobs (doctor and teacher) but I don’t understand how they do it. Not a day goes by where I’m not listening to something or another. This brings me to the very sad death of David Bowie. I was sitting at my desk at work 7am when it was announced on BBC6 Music that the musical creative ledged David Bowie had died. World wide reactions might be dramatic for some of you, but music is such a powerful visceral thing. Bowie songs is / was the soundtrack of our lives. How can you not hear a song and be brought back to the time in your life when…..

I’m a massive movie fan so soundtracks to movies are very powerful for me. Only since David’s passing have I realized how I knew so many of his songs without knowing it was him, who sang it. I’ve seen Reality Bites and Pretty Woman so many times over the years, both have Bowie in the soundtrack. There are so many films that have his music.

Last thing before I go, the composer of the soundtrack for Hateful Eight was totally deserving of its Golden Globe award. So was Brie Larson for Room and Leo for The Revenant. (Yes folks, I’ve seen it all. If I’m not listening to music I’m in a theater watching a film)

Be good kids, I hope to not be so much of a stranger. Its one of my goals! If you get a chance listen to the Dave Ramsey podcast #7875 where he talks about goals

Laters peeps

Lxx