Cruise Day 7 - May 8th 2026

​Today has been a lot harder for no particular reason other than it’s a lot. It makes me think of life partners and spouses. Finding a person who you can be with at the same time is not actually doing things. I see so many couples that keep so busy, that that’s the way they survive. I also think it’s why some people stay together. They know how to live with that other person, and any change is too much. They aren’t always happier but the change is a step too far. 

I’m digressing and going on a tangent. 

Several hours later. I’ll give you bulet points 

• my mom pre paid for a photo package of 20 digital prints. 154 pictures were taken, I gave up helping them choose. My mom paid so really I think her say is good enough.
• My dad was melting on the outdoor decks and near the pool. He then went to change and came back in some questionable shorts. I asked him why he didn’t wear swimming shorts / trunks and he said he didn’t want to go into the water. Fair enough. Then he said, I’m not even sure what I’m wearing, I think I wear this to sleep. 
• I talked to a 27 year old American girl who has lived in 3 different states. She was about to start law school at 22 and applied for a job, she lied in her application but got the job. 5 years later she is still there, she moved up the ladder is on a good wage and she has paid off her student debt. Additionally she asked about the UK government and if we have a president. I said prime minister and more or less left it at that. 
• My brother came back to his room last night at three am. Those gays sure do get out. If you didn’t already know, my brother is gay. There is an LGBT meet-up that happens nightly and he’s made lots of friends. Good for him. 
• Last night at dinner it was just me and my bro at the table in the grand dinning room at the end of the meal. He was telling me how his new friends have invited him to gay day at October fest. Maybe it has a different name but you get the drift. I was then asking about the gay party scene. My brother and his crew don’t do drugs. None of my parents 3 children do. He was saying that a lot of gay men are very conscious of their looks and appearance. Alcohol is too high in calories so that’s why so many of them take substances instead. Shit reason in my opinion, but each to their own. I’m pleased that this is not my brother’s normal circle of friends. After dinner he gave me a hug. That’s new. 
• Side note re dinner at the dinning table and my own family that I will one day (god willing) make. We will all sit at the table and leave when everyone is done. In my opinion it’s just the polite thing to do. However I’m not on this trip to point out their faults. If there are any, I just write about them here. I can tell you that I have remained seated and only left the table when the last person is ready to go. You can only control what you can control. Staggered exits haven’t happened at every meal, just some. 
• My mom’s been talking about all her future trips, holidays, etc. Guess she’s forgotten about the fact that she may be having her gallbladder removed and only a few months ago she called in hysterics that she was going to die. (Go back and read a previous entry on that)
• I’ve met a nice Panamanian 🇵🇦 diplomat and her mom who are holidaying together. Tomorrow when we disembark I’ll take the bus the locals take into Panama City from Colon where the cruise ends. My bro will come with me. The other 3 go straight to the airport. 
• Man… I’ve just remembered that my dad will cry tomorrow, actually I think my sister and mom awill too. They are an emotional bunch. 
• How about these legs?? Hot don’t you think… now to get the rest of this body to match. 

• I keep on watching the different shapes and bodies of these fellow cruisers. If suddenly everyone on this ship turned into cannibals, we would still be doomed. Yes these people are huge but soooo unhealthy. 
• I’ve also been brainstorming how much weight I can loose in the 3 weeks recovery post surgery. I’ll have to get out and walk. I have a mini trampoline at home but probably not a good idea with a nose job. Do your noses move when you’re on a trampoline. Text me and tell me. 

Ok folks, shower time.. I’m a few shades darker now and I’m got a good dose of vitamin D. Zero sunblock, no burns, no sunglasses. 

Laters Gators 🐊 

18:00 - 45 minutes until dinner and I should be packing but I’m beat. Cruise ships ask for your luggage to be outside of your room for 20:00. Then they move it to a section that’s easy to unload at 7:30 in the morning. 

I brought way too much in clothing but then made the effort to wear it all too. 

It’s weird when you don’t see you family often or any regular basis. All you can say is, I’ll see you when I see you. 

Recap of Day 5 & 6, written on day 7 in the morning

​I went to sleep last night listening to a podcast about morning light and your circadian rhythm. So this blog entry is being written while watching the sun rise. (Also I don’t wear sunglasses, do your research and read about the correlation between skin cancer and sunglasses)

Day 5 Aruba.

I woke up and went to the gym. I lasted 15 minutes. This is not something to phone home about but it’s something. It’s the pesky air conditioning and I could feel in my throat, it was starting to hurt. Exercising with a scarf is not a thing. Maybe it should be. 

Then my mom braided to French braids on my wet hair. The lady can’t help her self with the comments (I’m aware the apple hasn’t fallen that far from the tree). She said that I looked like a Mexican school girl. What does one do with these random comments your whole life. You just say ok. She then says, it’s a not a bad thing. 

The next move is when it all turned to shit. Wet hair close to scalp and in air conditioning in the breakfast dinning room is a recipe for disaster. I was already feeling the head cold come in. Why didn’t I politely excuse myself and go back to my room and dry my hair or at least get a baseball cap 🧢 to keep my head warm. Maybe subconsciously I didn’t want to ruin the nice braids my mom brained. Who knows. 

From 13:15 to 16:00 I was on a tour bus seeing all 6 of the districts of Aruba as well as their national park, some caves, some rock formations etc. I’m so fortunate that I can trike up conversations with almost anyone and they seem to like me or warm to me. By the end of the excursion I was ready to vomit so my new friend made sure I was the first person to run off the bus and back onto the ship. As soon as I got to my room I vomited  and then did it again prior to sleeping until the next day. In the end, all I ate that day was breakfast. It’s amazing how humans don’t really need that much food.

Let’s talk about Benjamin the tour guide bus driver and Aruba. Yikes this tiny island was hit bad by the plandemic. So many business closed and have never reopened. We passed loads of restaurants and even a super cool drive-in that is shut, all you can see is the screen and weeds growing in the parking lot. How great would it be for more drive’ins to come back. 

Benjamin was full of stories, he married his first wife when he was 22. She’s Chinese and there are a lot of wealthy Chinese people on the island. He divorced her when he walked in on her shagging another man. He then went on to marry his first kiss. He spoke about  the wages on the island being $2.50 USD an hour and tourists buying up all the good land along the coast. We passed Floyd merriweathers place. 

We also drove down the road with all the big Brad resorts. Oddly enough I wasn’t convinced I would come back and stay. I get the water is beautiful but I’m not a fan of being in a tall building. I think I’ll stick to the all inclusive resorts that I’ve stayed in, in Cuba, Dominican Republic, India and Mexico. (… and yes I can hear the privilege screaming off the rooftops)

Day 6 - Thursday May 7th 2026

I woke up feeling normal again, I looked a little haggard still but all and all it was a huge improvement. I had a fever in the night, not for too long, just long enough for the body to do its thing. 

• side note. Fevers are wonderful, they are signs that your body is working and it’s released toxins in your sweat. Whatever your beliefs are, it’s the universe, Mother Nature, God, yoda. Who cares. Sweating out a fever is good, good, good. I do wish parents would stop freaking out so much when their kid is warm and the pile the tiny being up with pharmaceuticals. 

Family breakfast was fun - not. Now I’m really, really trying to not say anything, pass judgement etc. My moto is, if it’s not hurting the person or anyone else… just let it be. Strike one of the day. 

My dad. He is stick and bones and has a big belly. I use to call it a beer belly but he really doesn’t drink that much beer. He doesn’t exercise much at all other than walking. He use to play volleyball with the seniors but that was more in his 60’s. He’s 81 now. 

Now I don’t know if this is due to my dad growing up dirt poor (in Africa) or the fact that it’s a fully inclusive holiday but the dude is embarrassing when it comes to what he orders. It’s one thing to order loads and eat it. It’s another thing to order food and waste it. 

Breakfast this morning was a disaster, he kept on ordering things, then forgetting what he ordered and almost not touching what he ate. The waiters were a bit fed up too, one of them kindly came to the table and said this was the last order because they had to move to another section. By the end of breakfast he said he would try and order less. He has also come to writing down what he ordered and looking back at the paper many times. This method works well and I think it will help him with his dementia. 

The sibs (siblings) are so judgemental with his dementia. I’m use to it. It’s ramped up in age. I think for most of my teens I would joke around that my dad has selective memory. He would remember what he wants to. In hindsight a cognitive memory test 30 or 40 years ago would have been very helpful. Oh well. 

There is just sooooo much going on and I really really need to remember that. It’s so easy to forget. So my dad will ask the same thing over and over. I’m no doctor but this is my theory. Age, cognitive decline, dementia, prostate cancer medication that’s not helping the dementia (known side affect). On top of that, I believe my father to be on spectrum and have ADD. There is a huge attention deficit going on too. And it’s real because if you can find a topic, subject or interest that he likes. He can carry a pretty good conversation. If he’s not really into the conversation, he’s lost to the fairies. 

Lastly when he was 15ish in Zanzibar, he was messing around with friends or cleaning his ears (I’ll get clear on that story today). There was a pop and his ear drum was perforated. He is completely deaf in one ear. The “good ear” that’s what it was referred to my whole life… is no longer good and he has an hearing aid in that one. 

After breakfast the 5 of us headed off the ship and into the port area of Willemstad Curacao. 🇨🇼 I finally got data via an eSIM. It was sooooo nice to be online again. 

We took a few pictures in our family themed T-shirts and then split up. The sibs took a cab to cocomo beach. (Someone how we all the beach boys song - it was on the soundtrack of Cocktail with Tom Cruise. The cocktail film at the theatres was actually mine or my sisters birthday party. Yikes have you seen it?? It’s very racy for children. Oh well). I didn’t do the beach because of the cab bit. I wanted to be waking distance to the ship. So I spent some time with my mom while I dad rested on a bench. Then I went to the fruit market with my dad while my mom went to an outdoor beach bar and had a cold drink. Then back to my mom where we looked at a few jewellers while my dad went  back to the ship. 

That’s a lot of chop and change but it was fine, and it all flowed well. 

At the jewellers my mom pointed to a bracelet that she liked. I was wearing one almost the same. Mine is lab grown diamonds and gold vermile. So silver with gold plating. It’s still nice and fraction of the price. I gave it to her then and there. She was grateful 

I’m going to wrap this up as I’m melting now on the top deck. 

I made friends in the hot tub jacuzzi, I’ve invited them to the quiz today. 

There are 6 quizzes so let’s see how many I do.

Cruise Day 4 - May 5th 2026

​Family breakfast conversation was a heavy and deep so it’s nice to have time alone wrote now to write. In the past I’ve been writing this blog from my state cabin room. This time I’ve picked a different spot. 

In text chat my sister has been eluding to the fact I should be doing more for the care of my dad etc. She asked the question again today with everyone around if I would be “stepping up, doing my part.” I am most pleased to say the answer is no. I didn’t even feel the need to go into great reason of why not etc. 

She had a cry about her failing health and the responsibility she has etc. I have no interest in dishing out sympathy or empathy. I kindly reminded her that she has taken on these positions and “roles” as a choice. She a can equally put them down. I reminded her that she has not put on her own seatbelt and now she is feeling the repercussions. 

She made a point of letting my parents know that she has intentionally not got her divers license because she doesn’t want to be their taxi. I do wish that she would / could understand that she could get a drivers license and choose to not be a taxi. However my personl energy is units and I choose not to spend my units on giving unsolicited advice. Instead, I watch, observe and make decisions that will impact my own life and wellbeing. 

As the days go by on this ship I see more mobility scooters and people who are living in a body based on their decisions and choices they have made in their life. I’ve never been a fan of the gym but I do believe in moving the body and getting outdoors. I honestly can’t wait to breathe better. Do you know what else? Soon I won’t be able to give the excuse of breathing constraints. - Side note. Despite my mobile being on airplane ✈️ mode. I’m still getting notifications, however when I click, nothing downloads as expected. I’ve got a message from the hospital. I could be about any appointment so keep your fingers crossed 🤞 that it’s not about the surgery.

A few hours later. 

The 12th top deck is too windy so it’s actually closed, so I had a nice walk around the 5th floor outside deck. So good to be out, get fresh air and clear you mind. 

Here are some of the nice and funny moments of the day. I asked my mom to braid my hair. She’s always been great at it. She still brushes my hair the same way as when I was a child. It’s not like what you see in TV. You’re grateful if your head hasn’t been pulled off. She not a gentle hair brusher but a great braider. Win win

While this was happening my dad confirmed my age and then asked why I had white hair. I then pointed to my mom who has a full head of white hair and he said, shouldn’t this happen when you are 75? My mom is 70 😂 

Then he said, what about your sister’s hair, she has no gray’s and my sister explained that she dyes it. It was funny. 

As a family we played a card game my brother brought and then we did some stencil painting with acrylic pens that my mom brought. 3 of us also did another quiz. It’s been a good day mixed with family time and alone time. 

Prior to boarding the ship a few days ago my mom was telling me how envious a bunch of her friends are. Their respective families don’t do family things together and then add the extra layer that my folks have been divorced for yonks. We are lucky. 

Oooh another conversation topic at this mornings tenser conversation. Both my brother and sister’s therapists advised that they shouldn’t go on this holiday. All 3 children (including myself) had many reservations and concerns about the time together. We are all pleasantly surprised that it’s going much better than originally anticipated. 

My mom, brother and sister spend the most time together. They are very use to one another and have lots of banter and jokes. I’m in such a good place that I just watch. I’m happy they are having a good time. 

Back to the health bit, lifestyle choices etc. I literally cannot wait to start my homeopathy degree. I so deeply believe that the body is divinely and infinitely perfect. We the human fuck it up and nature and natural remedies (and touch) can bring it back to homeostasis. I can already feel how the next 3 years will be such a game changer.

Quick wrap up of the day. Love is a jar of maraschino cherry 🍒. My brother had a drink and then my dad took and ate his maraschino cherry. Then my brother and sister make a comment that my brother likes the cherries and my dad forgot. He felt really bad and asked the waiter to get them 4 more. My sister then recalled a memory of how my dad brought an entire jar of cherries for my brother when he was younger. That’s what Love is. 

Good night x

First full day on the family cruise

​Well folks, I write ✍️ this on day 2 of the family cruise. Today is a see day and it’s 2pm. I’m just having a rest and writing to you. It’s very cathartic and almost a form of journaling. 

Yesterday was tough, mostly due to my overthinking and putting unnecessary expectations. Something as simple as me thinking that a shopping trip to target and Walmart was going to change the world. I should have just gone into it, and take it for what it is. Sadly I then look at obesity and people in mobile scooter wheel chair things and my mind starts to worry about the world and state of affairs. I also hadn’t slept for a long time. 

Once we were settled on the ship I dished out all the gifts. Again, I put unnecessary false expectations that they would live what I got them. They appreciated the gifts but that was it. 

I got some unexpected gifts too. My sister bought me a really nice black swimsuit, a hair band that matches hers and some starburst. She remembers me liking them. 

My mom bought me my requested organic Canadian maple syrup and also some Jelly Belly Jelly beans. I went through a phase as a teen when I loved them. 

I had also asked to see photos of her pregnant with me. I just don’t recall ever seeing any. I’m so happy that she brought me some. If I didn’t hate the internet so much I would share them here with you. If you know me, ask me and I’ll message them over. It was very humbling, she was only a baby when she had me. She was 22 and had married my dad after 6 days when she was 19. 2 of the photos are of her sitting at her desk at work receiving gifts for the upcoming birth of me. 4 pictures were at the hospital the day she had me. Just looking at Victorian-ness of the hospital takes me back. It was so 70’s as are the graininess of the pictures. My mom looked beautiful. It’s a fucking shame that I’m writing it here, and I didn’t tell her yesterday when I was looking at the photos right in-front of her. Absolutely shameful, I’ll tell her today. I promise you. I will report back. 

The 5 of us had a chat about final wishes, hospice care, DNR (do not resuscitate), funerals and wills. It was very interesting and I would say it’s was very much something Dave Ramsey would agree with. (Go check him out). On his radio talk show she so often talks about fair is not the same as equal. My mom’s will is secret, only she and the notary know the details. She did elude to percentages. I think I’m getting the least and I’m good with that. I’m actually glad that I know. Firstly I want both my parents and siblings to live long healthy lives. I’m so fortunate that I’m really set up, I have a home, a car, a job that pays for the home etc. My brother and sister just have the job part. 

I found out that my sister is giving her body to the neurological institute, one of her high-school friends just died of a brain tumour. It’s also the same hospital that treated Steph’s mom. (You’ll really have to go to old blog entries where I talk about Steph).

My beloved coach sent me a message before I left. This was slightly based on me complaining and her also knowing me well. This is what she sent me. - side note, she’s the best coach ever. Reach out if you want her details. 

Coach message start

Isn't it interesting how each of your family members trauma shows up in different ways and yet they all show up in similar ways as yours does. You ALL have the same wounds. You ALL have mental health issues. You ALL have a need to send data and your opinions. You ALL have the need to be right or know it all. You ALL have some sort of health issues. And the funniest thing about the entire family  dichotomy...you ALL think the other person is the one with the issues. 

This is why the observation with NO judgment is so important. 

When you TRULY break it down, they are just reflecting to you what EXISTS in YOU. And vice versa. 

When we TRULY understand that... then we get that the relationships in our lives are our greatest teachers ❤️

They are not better than you

You are not better than them

They or you are NOT right or wrong. You are ALL just experiencing your life's experiences, traumas, wounds, wars, losses, needs etc., 

We hold grace for others. We ALLOW. In its purest form... they are teaching us.

Have fun today

(End)

A few hours later… so I told my mom that she was really young and beautiful in the pictures. She snapped back and said, I’m still beautiful. I then replied saying, I didn’t say you weren’t. Sheesh 

I’m trying to do my best and just observe, be as humble as possible. When it comes to my family I’m not the best at this but I’m working hard at it. Part of this means to respond (if needed - not always needed) vs reacting. 

At lunch earlier, dementia dad, remembered a cruise with my mother and brother. This is the first cruise that my bother and sister have ever been on, it’s also the first family cruise. My divorced parents have never cruised in their marriage that dissolved years ago. You get the point. My brother then corrected him, while my mom just looked at me and rolled her eyes trying to get my attention or a reaction. 

I choose to pipe in this time because it’s not the first time that she has been doing it. I calmly asked her what she wanted from her actions. Was she wanting a reaction from me? I told her that there is nothing to say. She apologised and I’m hopeful that I’ve cut this one in the bud. 

Later is was just myself and my father at the table. The others had gone, I sat with him while he had his fruit platter for dessert. My dad has always been great at eating fruit. Throughout my lifetime, he has brought me fruit. This could be to my bedroom when I lived with him or even if I was in front of the TV in the lough. He would cut apples for us, wash grapes. When our time is up, one must remember the good with the bad. I do remember the good, trust me I do. It’s just that I’ve been working on clearing off the bad so that’s it’s no longer a weight. It’s like putting down the suitcase of stuff that I no longer need. 

When it came to conversation he just asks me about my house. I’ve lived in the same London house now for 21 years. My dad doesn’t know how to talk about feelings, fear, love, needs etc. I get it, he was born in 1945 and he is from a different era. I also have no desire or need to change him. Me engaging in conversation about my house is his way of loving me. So! I told him about the plumber that was over this week who changed the taps, told him about new carpet on the stairs and landing that was installed in November. He asked about the sheds in the garden, did they come flat pack, or did my chippe housemate build it. I felt in our conversation that I may have become a bit softer and more gentle. I’m not an ogre, I’m just trying to go with the flow and have more compassion and less judgment all round. 

It was after the meal that I came back to cabin and had a little chill time. I don’t even need to nap, just being alone, listening to music and typing to you helps process it all. 

After the break, my mom and I joined The family beanbag toss competition. My sister and dad watched. It was fun, maybe the first bit of fun that I’ve had so far. 

Let’s take a little detour and talk about fun. I was recently telling Coach that I don’t actually know what fun feels like. I almost never laugh, I don’t smile enough and I don’t actually have a lot of fun. Nor am I miserable or disconnect. I still feel joy, but that’s based on the little and big things in life. I actively practice gratitude. I can remember some wild fun times full of giggles and silliness but all of that was when I was under the influence of alcohol. I’ve never been a big drinker so I can have whale of a time on 1 to 3 drinks. It doesn’t take a lot. However for reasons I haven’t even fully explored, I’m T-total since the beginning of the year. When people I ask, I’ve said I want to get to my goal weight of 16 kg lighter than I am now. Once I reach that, I’ll reevaluate. 

Back to the cruise, my brother and sister both did some rock climbing 🧗. My brother regularly does this as a sport at home and it was sister’s first time. It was fun watching my parents take pictures of their kids doing activities. I like the parallels of this being the same and consist for all of our sports and activities growing up. You’ll find pictures of said child playing or doing. Tennis, ballet, jazz, drama, soccer, skating etc. 

I haven’t told them yet about my upcoming surgery. I have never had general anaesthetic. This part doesn’t thrill me, but I know it’s part of the deal. I’m having an open septorhinoplasty turbinate reduction. Pretty much a nose job so that I can breathe better. I’ll tell them on this trip. It’s not a big deal, it’s just they have had a lot on themselves and I’m not seeking attention. I just want them to know and they can send me good vibes. You can all send me good vibes on the 19th.

A few hours later. 

Would you guess what? After dinner we attended a quiz. It was actually the third quiz of the day. Would you believe we all have something is common, we all like quizzes. The first 2 of the day we did as a family but this evening, the sis and bro decided to compete. I ended up joining my brother’s team. Would you believe it! We won. 🙌 we got 25/26 not bad. One of the correct answers was St.Paul’s Cathedral, and I said, I’ve been going there recently to pray. Guys if you haven’t been, it’s worth a visit. So peaceful. 

This evening I also told them about the surgery post quiz. They only had a few questions. My mother didn’t have any answers seemed to be hard done by. She said she’ll come back to me for questions. “I need time to process.”

Bedtime now

Breakfast at 7:30 and Grand Caymen