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A funeral for Hope

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This won’t be the longest entry but I need to plan a funeral for Hope.   Hope is not a person, and parts of hope will live on forever in me. But all or any hope I’ve ever had for a mother, who can mother is dead. It’s been dead and cold for a long long time. I’ve just been dancing with a corpse (Hope) for twenty years too long.  Homeopath Maggie said something today that was so profound today. There is no space or room for me to be in a healthy loving relationship because I’m still in a relationship of hoping my mom will change.  So now I want to plan a funeral for Hope. I’m serious and genuine. Think about kids who have funerals for goldfish and use a matchbox for a coffin. ⚰️ That’s my aim.  You know what else, maybe I’ll even go to a church or a cathedral on Sunday. Let’s go big and dramatic. I would offer to wear one of my many sexy black dresses but I’m still 2 stone overweight. At least 30lbs. I could wear a bin bag but now I’m being overdramatic and cruel to m...
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The Power of Parting by Eamon Dolan

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Other title options for today were: Am I the bad guy? Blood is thicker than water - BS Action Speak Louder than words.  Soundtrack: I’m your puppet. Duet version with Paul Young and Elton John. 1993 (there is a story behind this) It’s Tuesday and I’m on the bus, I’m going to tray and recap things from the middle of the night on Sunday.  I woke up suddenly in what would be described as a cold sweat but I never sweat and I’m always cold. It’s now week 2 of 2 where my mother is in England and I’m not seeing her. The reasons are long. Read this blog. I then panicked and thought, am I being cruel, what will the extended family say, what is she telling them when they ask why she’s not with me. I was spiralling out when I thought maybe I need to cut off my aunts who I like, some of them even love me.    Lots of feelings pouring in, also the fact that people generally just talk about the good stuff. Not parents that don’t hit the mark.  I then decided that I needed reas...
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And so it’s begun

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Location: the tube heading to St.Pauls Cathedral 6:30 am In my ears: Noah Kahan (prep for December gig) Well my 5 weeks of chill time has well and truly begun… again. I did try this in September and that failed miserably with a few scattered events in the calendar, then the death of my uncle and the visit with my mom.  I can safely say other than work events, school and medical appointments. My calendar is clear. Time for me, myself and I to sort things out.  It’s been a rough few days. I can’t be bothered to go into it, just know that it was painful and I looked like I was having a stroke. My left eye was shutting down etc. during this time I was happy that I was single and childless. I really don’t want a carer or a child to have to care for its parent. O see if all the time and that’s not what I want for my future or now. Therefore, embrace single like while I sort my life out.  The first day of school was good ish. I was exhausted from the day before and not sleeping ...
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Units of energy

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Friday October 23rd 2026 Location: back on the tube and then the train heading to Richmond to see Mr.Richmond (original I know) and Cauli. Is it bad that I haven’t given her a prefix? Before I go into units. Can we talk about this.  Why has adultery become so fashionable. I don’t really live under a rock, 🪨 I know it’s been happening for millennia but why isn’t there more conversation on the actual devastation vs the lust and excitement of it. What about the cold hard truths.  Remember a few months ago I told you about my friend, stay at home mother of 2 with a successful husband when it comes to his career. Well according to me, he’s not successful at being an honest man. I told you then that he was having an affair and how she would out days before Christmas.  I met up with her and kids a few months ago. Sorry I can’t remember of if I told you about the meet-up or not. Nonetheless, the recap was.. they will see.  As of a week ago their beautiful home is on the mar...
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