Woah 😦 Fuck! Breakfast was HARD
Let’s get real. I’ve mentioned that my sisters mental health is BAD. Folks it not getting any better.
She is so deeply intertwined in both my parents health. It’s almost obsessive. Then the parents do what they want and she (sisiter) takes it all on.
Let’s give examples. My brother likes to remind me that twice he has found my dad’s underwear in the bathroom after being hand washed.
Whoopdidoo! Who cares! Can’t we be content enough that my dad washed his pants (undies for the North Americans). That he has enough awarnesss to do that. That he’s not waking around with skid marks in his pants.
This morning the man asked the waiter for prune juice 🥤. God forbid he ordered prune juice and end everyone leaves him the fuck alone. But no… hello no! My sister was busting his chops immediately. She was going on and on about his diet and reminding him how on the way to the airport, they had to make a pit stop so my dad could use the bathroom.
Look! I don’t have a prostrate but all my readers do and the rest of the male population. I don’t know the ins and out but sure. You have to use the bathroom more.
At this point I couldn’t bite my tongue and say nothing. Also I wasn’t pipping up for the sake of my dad, which is what you may be thinking. Her (sisters) mental health is circling the drains. I really would like her to NOT be dead. She had time off in April for her depression and having suicidal ideations. This is not someone who feels a bit blue sometimes. Anyhow, I told her strait up that she is literally killing herself. I told her that he is his one person. She can’t control him, she can’t be his keeper. Even if he was her child (that’s how she treats him) she has to stop. ✋ Sadly none of it got though to her. She was right back on the case, “But you done have to deal with XYZ”.
My dad was not doing well at all that morning when it came to his dementia. So many nervous and repetitive questions about the disembarkation process, the gates, the meeting area, the flights, the check in, we was going where etc. it was sad but I honestly think that her (can we call it bulling him?) behaviour towards him doesn’t help at all.
It makes my think of my old high school friend. Anna Banana. I had a nickname too but I can’t remember it. Anna had a stutter, (stammer for the Brits) and when she was nervous or anxious it was worse. When she was around people she knew well and was calm within herself she almost didn’t have it.
Back to my dad, he’s doing his best. He keeps and pen and paper and writes things down. He wrote his breakfast order which was great. Sometime I’ll say, it’s great that you’re writing this down and my brother will be quick on his heels to say, “He always looses the papers”.
Folks, you can’t win when it comes to these sibs. They are DEEP in their’ own shit / in their own way of being an unregulated human.
I had feedback from 2 of my very faithful readers. One based in Surrey and the other in Scotland. Both are old work friends. They both enjoy my style of writing, what a great compliment. One of them double checked that my family don’t know of or read this blog. This has to stay the case or they would be devastated. Dear readers (lol yes I’m now Lady Bridgerton) please don’t judge me. It’s just so helpful to get my thoughts out with an imaginary audience. For so many years I would just over think. I still do, but this helps.
Now that that’s done. We need to move onto the bro. This is going to be hard. Now remember I raised him until he was 8ish and I lived with him from birth to age 5. Then I moved in with my dad and he and the sis stayed with my mom. (Can you see how disjointed and irregular my upbringing has been)
I met a lovely young lady and her mom. She may have been in her 30’s and her mother was 75. Both slim tiny people. (I may do a separate blog entry on all the cool people I met and the friends I made at a later date.) The daughter is / was a Panamanian Diplomat who lived in Switzerland for 8 years. Since 2023 she’s been back in Panama City working and waiting for her next posting.
The cruise disembarked in Colon Panama and then the bro and I needed to make our way to Panama City where I booked a a room with 2 double beds. I have a no share rule after horrific experiences in the last few years but I was happy to make the exception for 1 night. He is my brother and all.
So a few days before I asked the diplomat if she didn’t mind bro and I tagging along for the commute from Colon to Panama City. My Spanish is non existent and it’s nice to have a local around etc. She was more than willing so the plan was made.
Bro and I said goodbye to my sister and parents (yes my poor dad was crying, it’s sooo sad) and then went to meet diplomat and mom.
My luggage is a checked 4 wheel spinner, a 4 wheel smaller spinner that goes overhead and a smaller should bag that’s goes under the seat. To be clear. Both my hands are normally full with each of the cases.
My bother had 1 backpack and 1 spinner case.
Coming off of a ship is very similar to getting off of a plane. First you have to go through customs and then you get your luggage. So like a carousel, there is a number and you get your bigger bag. Your hand luggage is with you.
Diplomat had a duffle bag on one shoulder and her big case in the other. (They chose to move their luggage on their own vs the cruise company) Her mom had a smaller spinner and a backpack.
Coming off the ship my brother and I only had our hand luggage.
Sheesh - sorry for all the background details but it’s essential to the story.
As we are making our way from the 6th deck all the way out I’m waiting to see if my bother will help the 75 year old lady.
Nothing guys, absolutely nothing at all.
Screw that! I have no time to educate him of how the world works or go into my utter disbelief and disappointment.
Very quickly I asked the mom if she would like me to push her bag. Would you guess what??? The answer was yes. So there I was with my case and hers.
Sadly I had to give her suitcase back to her when I needed to retrieve my big case. Again, here was another opportunity for my brother to help her out as he had one free hand. Nothing.
Together the 4 of us took a 3 minute taxi ride for $20 USD to the local bus terminal. We then took a local bus to Pamana city for $3.15 USD. (Remember the 1984 film Romancing the Stone with Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. If you haven’t seen it, see it. It’s what a romance movie adventure should be. Anyhow.. in the film they are on a locals bus in Columbia - similar climate) this bus was the same. Old… so old, I wanted to take pictures for you but I’m mindful of privacy. The seats were packed and people stood in the isles. The music was loud and felt like noise to me.)
After that at the central station on the other side I had to cross this huge road with my cases. At no point did my brother offer to help or assist me.
Now here is the deal. Does he despise me and want me to suffer. Is this a case, you made your bed and now you need to lie in it. Is he so blind to others. Was he not taught about manner and energy. Am I different because I raised myself in Britain. What’s the answer people?
(My) Coach would probably say, if you bring it, it’s your responsibility to deal.
Gosh when it comes to money. That’s a whole other thing. I’ve written about this (do go and catchup). Coach has reminded me that I can lead by example, they may pick up on it, or they may not, however it’s a way to behave with integrity that’s true to myself.
I paid for the Uber and I wanted to pay for some meals. I’m sick and tired of this splitting malarkey. Seriously can we all just get a grip, nobody is ordering $100 steaks!
As for the bus ride, I found the temperature perfect. It was warm and I was happy. At the bus terminal as soon as we got off the bus he said that he thinks he should get his own room so that we would both be comfortable. Fine that’s cool.
At the hotel, I wanted to gift him the cost of his room, but no he wouldn’t have it. That’s fine, I don’t argue. I politely said I would like to and he said no. Guys! The inability to receive a gift is a deep trauma that I hope he resolves. If he feels that he owes the gift giver, that’s equally messed up.
Later at the local mall he allowed me to pay for lunch, he was a bit confused and I said, you can get dinner if you want and he agreed.
At dinner when we were at the old town, he asked for 2 bills, (In hindsight I should have stayed silent) and I reminded him of the plan we had made at lunch. He then instantly remembered and changed it to one bill. After paying the bill, he immediately said. You better pay for the taxi back. There was so much tone and animosity in his voice. I said I was happy to transfer money for my bill but he said no.
Guys I just don’t get this. Now I know millions of people have thier own money story. It’s the route of so many relationships falling apart etc. it’s just hard for me to comprehend. During the trip I briefly came up that the money my dad gifts to all 3 of his children. My bothers response was, I don’t use that money, I use it on dad. Both the sibs are convinced my dad is broke and that he doesn’t remember what he has and what he has spent.
One suggestion that I made and that was adopted in theory, during the funeral and will conversation. Was that my dad would transfer and about that would cover the cost of his funeral and a period of time for medical care. I’m hoping that this will ease some of the worries that the sins have. Let’s see. - Side note. Whilst at the airport I messaged my dad about this and he checked his funds. He was 85% on the amount so that great. His number will be plenty good and I’m confident he will move this money over to easy the mental pressure on the sibs. The think is guys, and if you a very very very long term reader you’ll know that my dad often goes with my suggestion. It’s not manipulation, it’s how you deliver a message.
Other brother things that miffed me. (Is that even English).
He pulled out a pack of Extra chewing gum that was in a blister pack style. He got one for him and put the pack in his pocket. Now i didn’t see it all, I don’t know if that was his last gum, or if he only had one left and couldn’t spare it. I know nothing. All I do know is that I personally have never had chewing gum and not offered it to the friend of relative next to me.
