The way it is according to moi

​ Here is a very speedy entry that I will post right away.  L It’s been a crazy few days. The funeral happened on Friday. I cried a bit but not properly. Felt like a sensory overload to be honest.  I was there from 8am and left at 4pm. 30 minutes earlier than the end time. I made it all 3 parts. House with the body, then the crematorium, final part was the hall with food, more speeches and the band.  As for where I am now. My acupuncturist suggested I come here and drink the water from the chalice well . That is exactly what I have done. After feeling unwell for so long, why not try things of ancient traditions. That’s the way I role.  Tomorrow is a visit to Stonehenge where I will touch the stones.  I’m cross about how that will pan out. In 2 hours I’ll collect Miss Steiner from the station with her friend Amanda. That’s fine, I said anyone is welcome. However now she is spending tomorrow with Amanda. Folks I’m pissed off. They both live in Oxford and see each ...

​ Now I’ve known this for so many, many years. I can vividly remember that when Mark died I ended up with a chest infection.   Here is a side note. When I lived in North America I often had Laryngitis, Bronchitis etc. I always got the official title, you don’t really get that so much in the UK.  So my lungs ache and the pain wakes me. I’ve been awake since 3am coughing. I’m tired and fed up. I’ve now made it to the front room. (PS. It’s a tiny house so please explain why I call it the front room. It could be the lounge which also sounds grand. I haven’t called anything the living room for decades). I’m parked on the sofa with a hot water bottle and a cup of tea. It’s almost 5am and I will try and sleep soon.  So back to the grief. Coach Renee has been saying for months now that I’m mourning my old life, my old friendships where I have changed etc. She’s on the ball, I think I’m also mourning the life I never had. Also worth noting, I can’t even put my hand on my heart and...

​ Well, well, well. Where do I start. Let me try chronologically.   Reflections from the Friday (I posted in the evening).  My time with Cauli was interesting, it was good that we were both doing an activity but not walking side by side. We got to see the queens clothing and then came back together to discuss a few outfits. - so light conversation of no meaning or depth.  Earlier we were chatting and I went into my health and what’s really going on in my life. Important things, real feelings etc. When it was her part, she just recounted her recent trip in great detail. I’m really happy she had a good time, at the same time I know nothing about how she is really feeling, doing etc. No real life presence at all. Not sure how things will pan out with us in the future. Think it will be the odd catch up here or there.  Then the hospital and the rest of that day. I touched on it a bit but it was intense and heartwarming too. There really were 30 people in the hospital room...