The reality of life at the moment

I started writing on the evening to Tuesday July 7th and posting on the evening of Wednesday July 8th

​Well well, I’m back again. I’m sitting here on an annoying synthetic velvet sofa in the heat, typing on an iPhone with 6% battery while watching Normal People for the 10 millionth time. As for the sofa, my next one will be linen ideally or maybe cotton or wool. It won’t be sprayed with scotch guard or any toxins. I won’t care if it gets dirty.

Where the fuck have I been? Be warned, I’m in a super sweary mood. Every second word of this entry could be fuck. 

June was pretty good, I’m staying in my lane even though I fucking hate that stupid saying. I’ve been uber careful with my boundaries, mindful if I’ve giving too much and how I feel. When I’m with people, does the atmosphere and feeling feel reciprocal? This actually means I haven’t seen alot of friends. Over my growth in the last few months, I’ve outgrown the majority of ‘my people’. I know this sounds weird and odd. Also thank fuck they don’t read this blog!

Now I still love them, I’m grateful for them, I care for them, I’ll be there for them etc. it’s just that they don’t actually fill my cup anymore, some interactions even take from my cup. This is not fault of theres, I’m the one that’s changed. It’s like the typical break up line when one person, (normally the guy) says, it’s not you. It’s me. Well people, this time it’s me. 

In late May I had the surgery on my nose. It went well, it just took it out for me. This moved into June. But by the end of June I pretty much bounced back. 

For Glastonbury weekend (always the last weekend of June) I stayed in a Shepherds Hut in Wiltshire with one of my oldest UK friends. (I haven’t outgrown her. There are some key things in life. Big things that we both get / understand. We often never even talk about it. We just get it. We get each other). Part of the trip included visiting Stonehenge. It was fun and I found out that there are 4 days a year when you can touch the actual stones. I’m not totally sure why I want to touch the stones but I do! So i will. You can find me amongst a crowd on the autumn equinox at the stones. As I’m writing this I’m know that I drawn to old things, sacred traditions, old buildings, churches, ruins, Forrest, castles and the rest. 

A few hours later, free style typing with one hand while trying to not fall on the tube to work. Seriously not a fan of working in a concrete jungle. Due the heat, all the window blind shutters are closed. If I ruled the world I would make it illegal to withhold sun light from humans in the daytime. All this for air conditioning.

Let me see if I can get back on track.

I’ll probably dip in and out of 5 recent days when I was in Brighton. I seriously had the best days full of easy, and flow. 

This next part will flow. I promise. I saw lots of old friends. One of whom is a very tall faithful reader. We caught up briefly and he asked how I was. I think I gave him the option of how things really are vs the easy answer of good. Actually I probably didn’t even do that. I got straight to it. I do remember using the word bullshit a lot. Anyhow, this is something along the lines of what I said. 

I’m going great, wonderful and fabulous actually. There are still loads of things I’m working on but all in all, life is good. 

The family on the other hand is a bit of shit show. Also they are far, and they are very much indoctrinated in their ideology, mentality, thoughts etc. Trust me folks, they have no interest in my 2 cents and I finally have enough insight to not waste my time. (Hallelujah, Amen, let’s thank the Lord of the  Universe 😉)

My dad started his radiation cancer treatment this week. Last week my sister (who is not coping with her own plate) went to his medical appointment. He has kidney disease, prostate cancer, vascular dementia, and Alzheimer’s disease. The doctor said that my sister was needed at the appointment because the previous appointment in April was shit show. Oops! I forgot something. He also had a stroke in the last 40 years that none of us are aware of. This includes him, he can’t remember and the scans and tests can’t actually say exactly when. 

Long time readers know there is so much sadness and pain in my family. I am acutely aware of how tragic this is. This man, my dad, has done everything for us. His life has been hard. The relationship with his 3 kids is very fragmented, it’s the same as with his own siblings. He’s been divorced for donkeys years. He’s stubborn, fragile and set in his ways. He so easily could have had a stoke and nobody would have even noticed. He’s pretty much lived alone since I was 22 when I left his house. (Older posts will explain that I lived with him after my mom kicked me out at 16 - oh! More fun times). Back to my dad. My sister said last week, he needed help spelling my sister’s name. 5 letters. 

My brother who’s not even 40 has a heart arrhythmia. He was under investigation pre May cruise, and he was in severe pain in the cruise. He chose to not disclose this to any of us and told my mom only once he was back in Canada. He has almost not body fat, he goes to the gym, rock climbs, skates, runs etc. He has the strictest diet too. Like most things, I don’t know what his plans are. I just wish him well. 

My mom Is busy volunteering and planning her trips. She’s emptied her pockets and filled her diary. This year she will have done, 2 cruises and visited, India twice, Australia and the UK. Let’s not forget she was almost dying in January. I had a chat with her sister over the weekend. We are happy that she is happy, we just don’t get it. I met with one of my mom’s very close friends too this weekend. She thinks that maybe my mom’s near death experience had brought on all this travel. who knows?

And then we get to my sister. When I was doing the recap with the friend, I just said that she has been off of work with sever depression since April and it’s not good. On Monday night when I’m heading home after 5 fun filled days… I spoke to my mom. (Note to self - don’t do that again. Finish 5 fun days. Go to sleep with good memories. Deal with real life the next day). Anyhow, my mom said that within the last 2 days she had called the Canadian equivalent to the UK Samaritans. She called the suicide hotline. 

Let’s look at this rationally, calling the helpline is normally a cry for help. I think this is her case. It is also often the last call before someone makes a life ending decision. 

Diversion: I know a lot about suicide, there was my mother attempt, and then my 3 friends who I have spoken about on here. I also at one point wanted to be a Samaritans volunteer. I met with them on an open day. It’s such a noble calling but it dawned on me, it won’t bring Tim, Paul and Mark back. 

So…. On the call my mom said, I’m just for her (my sister) call so say “Bring me”. She is insinuating the Mental Health A&E / ER. The thing is, it doesn’t always work like that. 5 to 6 people die per hour in North America and Europe by taking their own life. I’m sorry to bring the tone sooo low but I think my mom is only looking at this from one side. 

She (my mom) then went on to say that social services are filled to capacity and the waitlist for intense treatment is years. When I asked about paying privately it was 10k and that was immediately discarded. I’m just miffed. I was reminded once more that I shouldn’t call my sister and that she can’t “handle it”.

She (sister) did call me a few weeks when she was having an anxiety panic attack. In 17 minutes I was able to make her feel better, by reminding her that she’s the one that has the power. She can leave my parents to fend for themselves. If you can’t take care of yourself it’s very difficult taking care of others. 

The next day (yesterday) I spoke with my brother to get the low down. He lectured me but I’ll get to that. The treatment center was researched by my sister who then told my mom. My mom then told my brother. No info about the name, details etc was disclosed. Bro then explained that the night before my sister spoke to her therapist online and he gave her suggestions. When I asked my brother what the suggestions were, he said he wasn’t going to tell me. So that it’s, my fucked up family continue to play games of sharing only some things with some people, some of the time. He then lectured me on my tone, his masters degree in marketing makes him an expert. Keep in mind, I wasn’t talking to my sister. I was just asking what’s going on. 

So to maintain the goodness in my life, I have to spend my units wisely. (Tyler Durden in Fight Club explains energy as units - great film. Go watch it).

My family are so tangled in their weave of trauma bonds that the only thing I can do is to pray for them and live my best life. 

If my sister called me, so I take the call? I really can’t handle having the last call with her before she’s gone forever. 

I spoke to Mark 3 days before he died, I also spoke to him 2 weeks before when I asked him if he was going to do it. It Marks case, the meds were increased which is a major contributing factor. 

Oh! And as I was waking into the wood land park where I writing ✍️ now (work day is over). I saw a robin. I see Robin’s all the time. That’s always Mark. (Side note: Tara Swart’s book The Signs is very good)

Do I message my family text group and let my sister know that I’m not calling because I’ve been told not to. If I did that, does that make it about me. Maybe 🤔 

Let’s talk about other things. Over the last few days I started drinking again. I don’t drink for a year. I’ve never had an alcohol problem and if I’ve ever had a bad day, I purposely won’t drink. I’ll also almost never drink alone. I’ve made sooo many rules but that’s also what happens when you have had 3 family members die of alcoholism. 

Drinking is fun when you’re with good people. Ice is good too! Did you know that I only have ice with alcohol, no other drink. 

At work today I left the concrete jungle for lunch. Sadly I had 2 very very very creepy brown men stare at me. I don’t even know how to describe it. It was not flirting, it was creepy and threatening. Thank God it was day light and there were lots of people around. No woman should have to justify her clothing but I will. I was wearing a sleeveless dress that goes to my knees and the neck line was a V neck but high. I was blessed with a rack so wearing any bra means I’ll have cleavage. I was soo upset. I ranted to one of you fabulous readers on a voice message and spoke to 2 colleges in the office. 1 was a a girl who’s my shade and told her to be vigilant, the other was just a manager to vent. He was very sorry for me, he could emphasise but has no idea what it feels like. 

Think I’ll press send on this one and start writing more about last weekend. 

Oh no… this isn’t great but maybe it is.

​Oh no people! I had other things I wanted to talk about today but this entry has been trumped by recent events.

My sister called my mom over to her place and asked my mom to drive her to the ER of the local psych hospital. This is good, this is also sad. 

Sad for so so many reason. (PS. Please skip this entry if it’s too triggering) I apologise now for going off tangent. 

Over a decade ago in the UK I had a male friend who was not doing well at all. He was in a UK psych ward. When the staff were looking he managed to take his own life. 

As per the hospital where my sister is at. We once had a family friend whose adult son was not doing well. He was going to the psych hospital daily for treatment but really needed to be an inpatient. They didn’t have the space to keep him in. Sadly one evening at home, he took his life. 

I have strong feelings about the Hospital where my sister is at. Where to start….

My first job at 16 was at McDonalds. I worked a lot despite being in full time education also known as high school. The ‘mental hospital’ was a bus ride away or less than an hours walk. It was close. I would see the patients daily. They really liked McDonalds coffee and these were the days when you could smoke indoors still (this became illegal in 2006). I can still remember the yellow gnarly fingers and teeth of ‘these people’. Keep in mind that I was 16. I found ‘them’ scary and I’m not sure how compassionate I was then or now. I hope I’m a better person. I’ll always be professional but I’m also a scared little girl. Even when they would talk to me, I would respond but I was scared. These people were deemed safe enough to be out. They never hurt me, often all they would do is talk to themselves or repeat things. The brain is sooo complex and it needs care and nurturing. It’s why I’m so god damn passionate about a child’s mental health and brain development. 

The next memory is rough. I honestly can’t be bothered to scroll though very old enteries of this blog, to see if I’ve ever spoken of this. I don’t think I have. There is a whole massive story to this that I won’t go into. All you need to know is that I believe in God, the universe and divine timing. Had the evening “gone to plan” we would have got home much later to find my mom dead. Instead she was still conscious and an ambulance was called. First they brought her to an ER (I think) and the next day when I saw her, it was at the “mental hospital”. That was a very bizarre day for me. One reason is that I recognised sooo many people. Some how, all my McDonalds customers were there. Like all of them! Maybe they lived there and were allowed out in the day. Who knows, it was just ALOT. ALOT was soon trumped by my dad standing at the foot of the hospital crying about what had happened to his ex wife. This was the day that I understood that my dad loves my mom. They have never been in love, I think my father would struggle to describe what love even is. Despite that, who are any of us to describe love. All I know, is that I watched a man crying for someone he loved. What’s wild is my mom doesn’t remember several of these days. It’s black hole 🕳️ that has been wiped from her memory. Maybe that God too. We don’t talk about this day often, though I remember her shock decades later when telling her about my dad’s reaction. 

Now back to my sister. I must TRUST that she is in the best place and that they can help her. She’s so multiple medications as it stands and I believe that in itself is the issue. I don’t think any pharmaceutical company is testing all the side effects of combined medication. Think about it honestly. There are hundreds and thousands of drugs these days. Does anyone know what really happens to the brain when you take X,Y and Z together. I often come across articles of long term damage of people who smoke cannabis regularly. Think about it, it’s that’s a natural leaf that can cause permanent damage. What do pharmaceuticals do. I’m a big believer in talk therapy and I think she needs that, as much as an overhaul of what she’s on. 

That’s about it on that. How do I know where she is you ask? Well… prior to the holiday it was agreed that the 5 family members would share their live location with one another. This was mostly for airports and if we lost my dad when the ship docked in a different country. 

This evening I was having a nosey peak at where people are and noticed her location. I then called my mom to see if she knew about this and she explained how she just dropped my sister off at her request.

Final recap of the day that feels especially poignant. The vast majority of my UK friends have never even seen a photo of my family, so for the close friends, I recently sent a load from the photography package that my mom bought. (Mentioned in previous posts). When catching up today with one of these such friends, he said that it was interesting to see them. He said that I had really painted a dark picture of people with trauma. 

Fortunately or unfortunately I’ll never share these pictures on the internet but we scrub up good and look like a delightful happy, joyous family. I’m not even saying that we’re not this. All I’m trying to say is that you never really know what’s going on in someone’s life.

Until we meet again 

Moi

PS. For background blogging pleasure, I’m watching Casio Royale for the millionth time. James Bond licking Ave Greens fingers in the shower after the shootout! Has to be one of my favourite scenes. Love that he enters the shower fully clothed in his Tux to comfort her.

The sword 🗡️ i’ll die on

​Hi friends, I’ve missed you. 

Let’s start with more thoughts on my last entry and an update on my sister. She has been back to work for 3 days and is now signed off for a month due to poor mental health. This is sad but not unexpected. (See behaviour in previous blog entries). I canned my dad and explained how he needs to lay off her. He doesn’t mean to, he just comes from a different generation and mentally. While he was married it was my mom who would do it all for him. Then I stupidly took that mantle on, before jumping ship to the UK. For years sister lived away but has been back for the last 3 years. Regardless of my dad asking for help, my family have had zero boundaries. It’s why it’s a mess. Now I thrive in my boundaries. 

Also going back to the last entry, please can everyone go read Notes on Being a Man by Scott Galloway. It’s a mix of a memoir, his thought and advice. It also had lots of statics too. Scott has 2 sons, when the family have guests staying over, the boys need to go out and get the luggage of the guests and bring it into the house. When they are at the table, they have to offer water and pour for others and then their own. I LOVE SCOTT! I will raise my children this way. My bro wasn’t raised this way, maybe he doesn’t know any better. PS. My girls will also have impeccable manners. 

If the entire world could start with pleas and thank you, that would be a start. 

I was telling a friend recently that I don’t have much to report. This is the truth. This is the amazing truth. For years and years, actually my entire life I have lived off of drama. It’s mostly been subconscious, but if you know me, I have a story to tell. I guess you could say that I still do but the story has changed. Now it’s just about how calm I feel. 

Let’s start with the title of this entry. The sword I’ll die on. I don’t know anyone as opinionated as I am. Mix that with passion and you get moi! 

I was going to write a list but I’ll just explain how I’ve changed or how I changed my mind. 

I grew up as a typical feminist. That’s far from who I am now. You can believe in women’s right and not be a feminist. I was totally fixed on keeping my family name. Hell no was I going to take HIS name. I’m so taking his name and I’m very cool with belonging to him (PS. I haven’t found him yet)

I was a vegan for 13 years and I was sure I was going to be that way until death and that is how I would die. No thank you! I’m very much enjoying the typical human diet with an emphasis on healthy food, not processed. 

I thought I wanted a career, I’m very happy to drop that one too. I’ll be the CEO of the family household and play an active role as the mother of my children and the girlfriend to my husband. 

Once upon a time I trusted the system, the paradigm, the medical industrial complex. Now that’s over my dead body! I question everything and think for myself. I’m not a sheep. 🐑 I’ll never vaccinate my offspring, wrap them or me in plastic (synthetics), give them technology etc. How many more studies or news paper articles does society need to understand the side effects of all of these “helpful” things. Gosh I just think of the millions of people that have their head in a microwave daily. Yes that’s the same as wearing Bluetooth wireless headphones. It’s all frequencies. The human body has lasted for so so long but with all these modifications, what do people expect. Strip it back and question what you eat, what you wear, what you put on your body, what you cook your food on. I’ve been far down the road for 8 plus years now. 

What else! I still care for nice things but depending on the item, brands don’t matter to me. I would say it’s about the ingredients. There was an article today in the Times about a Gail’s sandwich that has more salt than a McDonals Bigmac. Just because Gail’s is pretty and pricey, it’s doesn’t actually make the product better or healthier. 

That’s it for now, I’ve come to a blank so it might be bedtime.

Day 8 - Disembark Panama - Saturday May 9th 2026

​Woah 😦 Fuck! Breakfast was HARD

Let’s get real. I’ve mentioned that my sisters mental health is BAD. Folks it not getting any better. 

She is so deeply intertwined in both my parents health. It’s almost obsessive. Then the parents do what they want and she (sisiter) takes it all on. 

Let’s give examples. My brother likes to remind me that twice he has found my dad’s underwear in the bathroom after being hand washed. 

Whoopdidoo! Who cares! Can’t we be content enough that my dad washed his pants (undies for the North Americans). That he has enough awarnesss to do that. That he’s not waking around with skid marks in his pants. 

This morning the man asked the waiter for prune juice  🥤. God forbid he ordered prune juice and end everyone leaves him the fuck alone. But no… hello no! My sister was busting his chops immediately. She was going on and on about his diet and reminding him how on the way to the airport, they had to make a pit stop so my dad could use the bathroom. 

Look! I don’t have a prostrate but all my readers do and the rest of the male population. I don’t know the ins and out but sure. You have to use the bathroom more. 

At this point I couldn’t bite my tongue and say nothing. Also I wasn’t pipping up for the sake of my dad, which is what you may be thinking. Her (sisters) mental health is circling the drains. I really would like her to NOT be dead. She had time off in April for her depression and having suicidal ideations. This is not someone who feels a bit blue sometimes. Anyhow, I told her strait up that she is literally killing herself. I told her that he is his one person. She can’t control him, she can’t be his keeper. Even if he was her child (that’s how she treats him) she has to stop. ✋ Sadly none of it got though to her. She was right back on the case, “But you done have to deal with XYZ”.

My dad was not doing well at all that morning when it came to his dementia. So many nervous and repetitive questions about the disembarkation process, the gates, the meeting area, the flights, the check in, we was going where etc. it was sad but I honestly think that her (can we call it bulling him?) behaviour towards him doesn’t help at all. 

It makes my think of my old high school friend. Anna Banana. I had a nickname too but I can’t remember it. Anna had a stutter, (stammer for the Brits) and when she was nervous or anxious it was worse. When she was around people she knew well and was calm within herself she almost didn’t have it. 

Back to my dad, he’s doing his best. He keeps and pen and paper and writes things down. He wrote his breakfast order which was great. Sometime I’ll say, it’s great that you’re writing this down and my brother will be quick on his heels to say, “He always looses the papers”. 

Folks, you can’t win when it comes to these sibs. They are DEEP in their’ own shit / in their own way of being an unregulated human.

I had feedback from 2 of my very faithful readers. One based in Surrey and the other in Scotland. Both are old work friends. They both enjoy my style of writing, what a great compliment. One of them double checked that my family don’t know of or read this blog. This has to stay the case or they would be devastated. Dear readers (lol yes I’m now Lady Bridgerton) please don’t judge me. It’s just so helpful to get my thoughts out with an imaginary audience. For so many years I would just over think. I still do, but this helps. 

Now that that’s done. We need to move onto the bro. This is going to be hard. Now remember I raised him until he was 8ish and I lived with him from birth to age 5. Then I moved in with my dad and he and the sis stayed with my mom. (Can you see how disjointed and irregular my upbringing has been)

I met a lovely young lady and her mom. She may have been in her 30’s and her mother was 75. Both slim tiny people. (I may do a separate blog entry on all the cool people I met and the friends I made at a later date.) The daughter is / was a Panamanian Diplomat who lived in Switzerland for 8 years. Since 2023 she’s been back in Panama City working and waiting for her next posting. 

The cruise disembarked in Colon Panama and then the bro and I needed to make our way to Panama City where I booked a a room with 2 double beds. I have a no share rule after horrific experiences in the last few years but I was happy to make the exception for 1 night. He is my brother and all. 

So a few days before I asked the diplomat if she didn’t mind bro and I tagging along for the commute from Colon to Panama City. My Spanish is non existent and it’s nice to have a local around etc. She was more than willing so the plan was made. 

Bro and I said goodbye to my sister and parents (yes my poor dad was crying, it’s sooo sad) and then went to meet diplomat and mom. 

My luggage is a checked 4 wheel spinner, a 4 wheel smaller spinner that goes overhead and a smaller should bag that’s goes under the seat. To be clear. Both my hands are normally full with each of the cases. 

My bother had 1 backpack and 1 spinner case.

Coming off of a ship is very similar to getting off of a plane. First you have to go through customs and then you get your luggage. So like a carousel, there is a number and you get your bigger bag. Your hand luggage is with you. 

Diplomat had a duffle bag on one shoulder and her big case in the other. (They chose to move their luggage on their own vs the cruise company) Her mom had a smaller spinner and a backpack. 

Coming off the ship my brother and I only had our hand luggage. 

Sheesh - sorry for all the background details but it’s essential to the story. 

As we are making our way from the 6th deck all the way out I’m waiting to see if my bother will help the 75 year old lady. 

Nothing guys, absolutely nothing at all. 

Screw that! I have no time to educate him of how the world works or go into my utter disbelief and disappointment. 

Very quickly I asked the mom if she would like me to push her bag. Would you guess what??? The answer was yes. So there I was with my case and hers. 

Sadly I had to give her suitcase back to her when I needed to retrieve my big case. Again, here was another opportunity for my brother to help her out as he had one free hand. Nothing. 

Together the 4 of us took a 3 minute taxi ride for $20 USD to the local bus terminal. We then took a local bus to Pamana city for $3.15 USD. (Remember the 1984 film Romancing the Stone with Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. If you haven’t seen it, see it. It’s what a romance movie adventure should be. Anyhow.. in the film they are on a locals bus in Columbia - similar climate) this bus was the same. Old… so old, I wanted to take pictures for you but I’m mindful of privacy. The seats were packed and people stood in the isles. The music was loud and felt like noise to me.)

After that at the central station on the other side I had to cross this huge road with my cases. At no point did my brother offer to help or assist me. 

Now here is the deal. Does he despise me and want me to suffer. Is this a case, you made your bed and now you need to lie in it. Is he so blind to others. Was he not taught about manner and energy. Am I different because I raised myself in Britain. What’s the answer people?

(My) Coach would probably say, if you bring it, it’s your responsibility to deal. 

Gosh when it comes to money. That’s a whole other thing. I’ve written about this (do go and catchup). Coach has reminded me that I can lead by example, they may pick up on it, or they may not, however it’s a way to behave with integrity that’s true to myself. 

I paid for the Uber and I wanted to pay for some meals. I’m sick and tired of this splitting malarkey. Seriously can we all just get a grip, nobody is ordering $100 steaks! 

As for the bus ride, I found the temperature perfect. It was warm and I was happy. At the bus terminal as soon as we got off the bus he said that he thinks he should get his own room so that we would both be comfortable. Fine that’s cool. 

At the hotel, I wanted to gift him the cost of his room, but no he wouldn’t have it. That’s fine, I don’t argue. I politely said I would like to and he said no. Guys! The inability to receive a gift is a deep trauma that I hope he resolves. If he feels that he owes the gift giver, that’s equally messed up. 

Later at the local mall he allowed me to pay for lunch, he was a bit confused and I said, you can get dinner if you want and he agreed. 

At dinner when we were at the old town, he asked for 2 bills, (In hindsight I should have stayed silent) and I reminded him of the plan we had made at lunch. He then instantly remembered and changed it to one bill. After paying the bill, he immediately said. You better pay for the taxi back. There was so much tone and animosity in his voice. I said I was happy to transfer money for my bill but he said no. 

Guys I just don’t get this. Now I know millions of people have thier own money story. It’s the route of so many relationships falling apart etc. it’s just hard for me to comprehend. During the trip I briefly came up that the money my dad gifts to all 3 of his children. My bothers response was, I don’t use that money, I use it on dad. Both the sibs are convinced my dad is broke and that he doesn’t remember what he has and what he has spent. 

One suggestion that I made and that was adopted in theory, during the funeral and will conversation. Was that my dad would transfer and about that would cover the cost of his funeral and a period of time for medical care. I’m hoping that this will ease some of the worries that the sins have. Let’s see. - Side note. Whilst at the airport I messaged my dad about this and he checked his funds. He was 85% on the amount so that great. His number will be plenty good and I’m confident he will move this money over to easy the mental pressure on the sibs. The think is guys, and if you a very very very long term reader you’ll know that my dad often goes with my suggestion. It’s not manipulation, it’s how you deliver a message. 

Other brother things that miffed me. (Is that even English).

He pulled out a pack of Extra chewing gum that was in a blister pack style. He got one for him and put the pack in his pocket. Now i didn’t see it all, I don’t know if that was his last gum, or if he only had one left and couldn’t spare it. I know nothing. All I do know is that I personally have never had chewing gum and not offered it to the friend of relative next to me.