Holy fuckeroo! I wanted to end the month of May with other blog worthy topic but I had a call a few hours ago that I need to write about.
From the last entry you’ll see that my dad was in the A&E with a UTI. Then the following week my sister was rushed to the A&E with a pseudo brain tumor. She had gone for a routine eye test and they saw something. Fast forward blood tests, CT scans, MRI, lumbar puncture, neurological doctors and more optometrists. She will survive! (she has Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension)
She can’t change her gender (let’s not go there), or her age, but she can change her weight and get to a healthy BMI. I have thoughts on that too but she is choosing to take meds with side effects while working on her weight. Her body, her life, her decisions.
She’s been trying to help my dad pack. He moves out of his house of 30 years. I’ve declined flying across the pond. My bro who is 5 hours away has also opted no. So my sister and my father’s ex wife (aka my mother) have gone to help.
Now remember my dad and all of my family are hard work. Good people but hard work. I jumped ship at 22 and this is how I’m still standing. (I moved across the pond). I’m not saying any of it is easy, however if you have been breathing on this plant. You will know that you can’t change people. You either accept it or walk. It’s as simple as that. Yes it’s all complicated and nuanced. Yes for every action there is a reaction. But you need to make a decision and accept it. Bitching and winging doesn’t help anyone. If you have to get it out, find a healthy way. Get a therapist, get a coach, move your body, find a sport, go into a sound booth and scream. (Write a blog post)
Side note: I personally scream with my kettle when it’s whistling. It’s super loud. Stainless steel stove top kettle. Plastic electric kettles are dangerous when it comes to Microplastics.
So on Monday, the moving trucks arrive at my dad’s to move him to his assisted living flat. My sister and my mom were at his place today trying to do final things and then it went all wrong. It was the fault of my dad and my sister was starting to see white spots. The strong meds she is on, is to prevent blindness. So my mom decided that they should both leave and go back to their respective homes.
All of this is cool. I get it, there is jack shit I can do.
However she calls to recount the whole story, bitch about him and call him an asshole. Side note.. can you imagine what the divorce was like. Having to listen to her for all of that.
Not my fucking problem. Don’t have kids or in my case… it’s too late so just leave me alone. I’m going to have to go back to not taking calls.
The brain is such a mystery, the entire time she was talking, I was super numb. It’s like I checked out and walked away. I was listening but there is no emotion. Now I use my energy, time and effort on staying regulated. I did a good job. I was deregulated for most of my life.
Laters 👋
Comments