The way it is according to moi

​ This is rather embarrassing or it could be interpreted as a huge breakthrough. I suffer from human hangovers. Maybe I’m secretly allergic to humans. I do wish it was that easy, to mock a self diagnosis. But it’s not. I’ll explain in sec.   Just know that I’ve thought being a hermit could be really cool. Also when watching the film: into the Wild. I thought, this is the life. The book was written in 1996 and the film came out in 2007. Sean Penn directed and the soundtrack is amazing! It’s by Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam.  Ok, let’s jet into the human hangover (hopefully you are now reading as you have Eddie in your ears) I cut out toxic people out of my life a good decade ago. It’s more like 15 years or more. I’ve gone one step further and cut out family too. There are very firm boundaries and I operate within this only. If I don’t maintain these boundaries I suffer the consequences big time.  I’m going to give real life examples of what human hangover means / feels like ...

I started writing on the evening to Tuesday July 7th and posting on the evening of Wednesday July 8th ​ Well well, I’m back again. I’m sitting here on an annoying synthetic velvet sofa in the heat, typing on an iPhone with 6% battery while watching Normal People for the 10 millionth time. As for the sofa, my next one will be linen ideally or maybe cotton or wool. It won’t be sprayed with scotch guard or any toxins. I won’t care if it gets dirty. Where the fuck have I been? Be warned, I’m in a super sweary mood. Every second word of this entry could be fuck.  June was pretty good, I’m staying in my lane even though I fucking hate that stupid saying. I’ve been uber careful with my boundaries, mindful if I’ve giving too much and how I feel. When I’m with people, does the atmosphere and feeling feel reciprocal? This actually means I haven’t seen alot of friends. Over my growth in the last few months, I’ve outgrown the majority of ‘my people’. I know this sounds weird and odd. Also than...

​ Oh no people! I had other things I wanted to talk about today but this entry has been trumped by recent events. My sister called my mom over to her place and asked my mom to drive her to the ER of the local psych hospital. This is good, this is also sad.  Sad for so so many reason. (PS. Please skip this entry if it’s too triggering) I apologise now for going off tangent.  Over a decade ago in the UK I had a male friend who was not doing well at all. He was in a UK psych ward. When the staff were looking he managed to take his own life.  As per the hospital where my sister is at. We once had a family friend whose adult son was not doing well. He was going to the psych hospital daily for treatment but really needed to be an inpatient. They didn’t have the space to keep him in. Sadly one evening at home, he took his life.  I have strong feelings about the Hospital where my sister is at. Where to start…. My first job at 16 was at McDonalds. I worked a lot despite being...

There was a full moon a few hours ago so why not jump on here and tell you what’s new.   Today has been HARD. In February of this year whilst working with my academic mentor on my dissertation for the honours top up degree, she suggested that I explore a dyslexia assessment with the university.  That evening I completed an online pre assessment. The result was immediate and said that I was highly likely to be dyslexic. Due to graduating within 5 months of the assessment, the university could not pay for formal assessment.  My government employer won’t pay for it either (I’m still challenging this), so I have explored a private assessment.  Since February I have made loads of calls to check out costs and how it all works. A few months ago I spent an hour talking to a lovely lady. In that conversation she asked if I have ever been assessed for  attention deficit disorder ( ADD)  and/or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder  ( ADHD) . I immediately, re...