Started on Friday September 25th
I’m writhing this from the living room at my aunts house. Everyone is doing something so I’m taking a few minutes.
Wow today has been hard right from the start.
Original plan was to collect my mom at her sister’s house at 11am to take her to some stores at her request. The day before while talking to her on speakerphone with her sister (the recent widow) present, she also said that I could hear to house earlier than 11. I said thank you and I’ll see how it gives but I will be there for 11.
(Many hours later back at home)
So this morning, I was making good time so I thought, why don’t I pop over there for 10:30. I was just about to leave the house when I get a text from my cousin. ( My mom’s niece and the youngest daughter of the widow).
This is what it said:
We are out for breakfast in Stanmore at Barracuda. So come join us there or (my sister) is at home. We will be back before 12. X
What! Say what? Am I stupid, confused. I thought I was supposed to pick my mother up at 11? Also for the love of god can someone explain why the hell she (my mom) can’t pick up the phone 📱.
I sat there absolutely stunned, totally miffed, so I copied that message to her and sent it, followed by:
What does this mean?
Come get you at noon now?
She never answered, so I then just said I’ll come to you at 13:00.
At 11:04 she finally texts back and says:
Hi (Moi), just seeing your message. We are just finishing breakfast. I think we should be back to (her sisters) before noon.
I just replied with, I will be there at noon and then also sent her the following which she read an hour later.
Maybe it’s worth you knowing that I require clear communication.
You asked me to take you shopping.
I asked what time?
You said 11.
Earlier I asked if you wanted to go on Thursday vs Friday but you didn’t reply for a while.
You could have picked up the phone to call me and explain that the plan has changed, but you choose not to. That is your choice, your decision.
I am being clear by saying I will come now at 13:00.
God do I miss coach Renee. We have worked together for 18 months now and when it comes to my family, she has more or less said that the only thing I can do with them is lead by example and maintain my own boundaries.
When I finally get the house we do t leave the house for another 45 minutes. What is also strange is that my sister is not there, nor does anyone tell me where she is etc. eventually from hearing my mom tell others, she has gone into London to meet her uni friends. (She went to uni in the UK but lives in Canada - I did the reverse for uni round one. I then did uni round 2 in the UK). There has been lots of anxiety when it comes to seeing her.
(Caveat - I’m aware that I’m not using the below words correctly - I’m ranting)
I am not, bipolar, schizophrenia, or have dual personalities. Nor am I living in a depressive and occasional suicidal state. What I know if that you can’t just loose your shit with me, hang up the phone, be rude and then expect everything to be normal.
Late after dinner, my sister arrived , hugged me and was acting like everything is normal between us.
What? What? And I’m the one who looks like you just killed me dog. I know I look like a moody sourpuss.
Back to my mom and the shopping. We went to 2 stores. An Indian store to get savoury snacks and Tesco. She offered to pay for what I bought at the first store. I declined. It was only last week that she asked me if I was going half on food and she also had the nerve to ask if I would pay for her flight. No thank you. Let’s not get money involved. I don’t the energy to play tit for tat.
It was the next stop that breaks my heart. It really does. I was so deeply saddened yet I shouldn’t be. God and the universe have been showing me my mothers true colours for all these time so why do I continue to be shocked. Ok - some background for my readers. Tesco is a large UK grocery store, they also offer a points system that gets you reduced prices and also rewards you with vouchers / coupons to get money off. And in my case I also get Avios points - think airlines.
Guys! Before I go any further, I know I’m ultra sensitive and I may just be reading into something and making it a much bigger issue in my head. Additionally I know what I know.
We are in the store with my uncle (another one - big family) and my mom. She has a list. Many items have 2 prices with the lower one being a card holder. We both tell her that we have a card. My uncle also goes on to tell her you get points.
I had to grab something from another isle and when I got back, she had paid for a lot of items with his points card.
Look, it’s not about the card or the points. It’s about the fact that this lady doesn’t innately think of me as her offspring. She doesn’t think about me, what she can or can’t do for me. What I may or not benefit from.
It’s like you go and buy a kinder egg and then go and give the toy 🧸 to someone else while your kid is right there.
God in that moment I wanted to cry, but I’m better than that. I just sat in my sadness. The only way out when it comes to big feelings is to go through them. The only way out is through.
Let’s move onto more communication fails on her part. So for the last 5 months I have known that she will be back in the UK for the. Last week of October. I have needed a plan on what we would or wouldn’t be doing together. I need to take annual leave etc.
Once back from the shopping trip she asks me if I have time to talk to her about the October plan. She explains that her sister’s daughters have asked if she can spend time with their mom in October.
That’s totally fine with me. Truthfully my mom does better as an aunt, sister vs mother.
Next minute she has disappeared 👻 poof 💨 like a ghost. Gone. Ok - really she was now in the kitchen.
When she comes back I say to her, what happened?, where did you go? You called me over to talk.
She whispers in reply that she had to do the dishes and that she couldn’t let her sister do it. (I understand that but)
I just replied with, that’s perfectly fine. All you needed to do was say, (Moi) I’ll be back in a few minutes.
Can someone tell me how or why her communication skills are so definitive. I mean I know she had ADD or even maybe ADHD. (Undiagnosed of course)
Once we start taking about it, but even 2 minutes pass where she is now overwhelmed and has decided it’s not a good time to talk she will talk to me when she is back in canada.
Say what??? Has she lost the plot again. Sitting next to me shoulder to shoulder at the dinning table or having to talk while she is overseas?
I spoke to my uncle about this while driving back to mine. He is staying the night while 3 of the sisters have their sleepover. The plan on Saturday it to bring up the October week and make a real plan
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