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Untitled

Written on September 24th 2026

​Gosh that’s how life feels these days. Untitled. 

I’m working on juggling, life, health, my trauma, my family, my body and the rest. 


Yesterday was so busy. I walked 24k in steps. Was up at 4am and home at midnight. Watching the sunrise over Stonehenge was beautiful and so happy that I made it there. Ended the day with the family for day 13 of my uncles funeral. It’s the last day that Hindu’s believe the soul is lingering. 


I took the best video of the bands playing live af the house. I really want to post it but I don’t trust the internet. If you know me and want to see what it was like, send me a text. The energy in the room changed over the 2 hours that songs were sung. 


I’m writing to you on the tube to meet Mr.Richmond after he finishes work (as for me, I’m on annual leave this week). I’m meeting him because I need a hug and I told him that. I also said that I can accept mocktails as well. Hibernation September has not worked. That’s ok, there were always a few exception dates and then with my mom coming to the UK plus the funeral there is no hope. This is another reason why I’m off to see Mr.Richmond


I would have seen him and others on my Birthday but I scrapped those plans a week before the event. No point going to a really fab meal when I feel terrible. 


I’m slowly on the mend and I have to be super careful. From next week I can start making the bigger changes. 


This weekend is another pass. On Friday and Saturday I’ll be with my aunt the widow, my mom and a bunch of their siblings. My sibling will be there too. My sister. Guys! It’s so fucking awkward and I haven’t even seen her. As mentioned before I’m not someone that puts up with shit behaviour and then pretends that it never happened. Our last calls have been with her shouting and hanging up the phone. 📞 


I’ll only be with Mr. Richmond for an hour I’m guessing. From there is have the option to go see my mom and the others. I was invited back to the house today. That was another awkward conversation. You would think that my mother had the sense to call me on the phone privately for a moment. 

Note toself moi: - when it comes to your mother, remember that there is no sense. 


I had  a FaceTime video call from my aunt which I rejected. I genuinely was in a towel and nothing else. I then called back on audio and the 2 sisters were there together. It was AKWARD. I always sound like the difficult bitch even though I’m not. I just clearly state the facts. I messaged my mom to offer to take her to the shops today vs tomorrow. She never replied. Look, when I’m on leave I will go out and do something. I don’t take annual leave to sit on my ass or wait for people to get back to me. On the call I was invited to dinner at the house. So now I may head there after on public transport. It’s really long but I don’t have the energy to drive. I’ve driven so much and yesterday stand still traffic was a killer. 


So this morning I get a call at 9:20 from my mom. She called me while on the plane at Heathrow as soon as she landed. 🛬 the call actually woke me. That’s kind of good news as that means I slept after the 24k in steps the night before. Back to the story. So she asked if I was still sick, I said no but that I’m on annual leave this week. As we spoke very briefly, I explained that the siblings sleepover party is no longer happing and she was so shocked. I suppose that does make sense to be surprised. She was flying to the UK for this sleepover, but then her brother in law died. 


A few hours later when she met her sister, they decided to have the gathering again. I’ll see her tomorrow and Saturday.


A few hours later and back on the tube. Mr Richmond and I had some delicious sourdough bread and dip and mocktail / cocktail each. It was good to catch up. He’s got a lot on his plate but he’s doing well. 


I was then going to head to see my mom and the others. My sister then called to say that they all said it’s fine to come tomorrow instead because they were mindful of the long commute. I’m grateful for that. 

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