Some questions were answered

Well… I survived the day.

Dr.Ben was lovely, just like his voice. (He’s married ) He listened to me for almost an hour and we went though my whole medical history. We went through each blood test one by one, he explained everything that he could. He was really sympathetic. Sometime you meet professionals and you almost know that you would be friends if the circumstances or situation were different. I kind of had that sense with this doctor. After we spoke we had a little chat about the Mark’s death and the inquest that would be taking place in a few hours.

Anyhow… I might have had an actually diagnosis. I’m a little scary even writing it down but its ok. I’ll be ok. The doc is referring me to the Chronic Fatigue treatment and research unit at Kings College London. They have a specialist team and he thinks they might be able to help me. He was also really positive with all the steps that I have been doing. Eating relatively well and getting exercise when I can. We went though the NICE guidelines and I have almost all the symptoms.

Gosh the next part of the day was a little intense.

I so badly want to explain everything that was said at the coroners inquest but that would be wrong and it’s not my place. What I can tell you is there is there are so many sides to a person and their story. There were so many people in that room that had no idea about his life, his feelings, emotions, relationships etc. I honestly felt like one of the few that knew him. Many statements concurred that his behavior in the last few weeks were really irrationally. This eventually led to his most tragic death. He has been dead now for 8 months and his employers have failed to find a replacement. 3 have tried so far and one more starts in March. One person lasted 2 weeks, one lasted 2 days. It goes to show he was a bit of a super human. Man do I miss the idiot!

Fasten your seatbelt

Fasten your seatbelt as this entry is probably going to be all over the place. Kind of the way my head is right now but not necessarily in a bad way. I just have a lot on plate. Some of it is nice too!

I’m having a ‘Ladies who Lunch’ party this Sunday. I think we will be about 8. Each person will bring a dish and it will be fun. None of them know each other but they are all nice interesting people. What should I make? Think I’ll use my new cook book.

I’m back to the hospital tomorrow to meet with Dr. Ben. He called me personally last week to arrange a day for me to come in. He told me not to worry. I’m not worried. Number 1, worrying is stupid. Number 2, Ben has a nice voice and why not trust a good voice and most importantly number 3, I have seen my blood results for the last 8 months. Things are improving. In January I went to the hospital twice for tests so its all good.

I haven’t spoken to Steph in months and have had very little contact with her. I miss her but I think she is staying away due to me not always feeling great. She took care of her mom Barbara thought her illness to her eventual death. I think the idea of me not being well is scary. The bigger factor is I still don’t know what I have or had. I don’t know what to tell people. E in Montreal is also very frustrated with the whole thing.

Some people think I look the same, some know I'm not quite the same. I saw my aunts 2 weeks ago in the Midlands and they sum it up well. ‘You still don’t look quite right’. They are spot on, things are better but still not quite right.

Work is still kak! You know, South African for shit. There is a meeting happening tomorrow where my fate shall be discussed. Wonder where I get placed? Keep your fingers crossed that I get placed with some half decent humans and that I’m doing something interesting. A girl can still dream…

This absurd not knowing and instability has kinda wrecked havoc with the girl plumbing. I’m not shy so I’ll share. In December I was 12 days late and I only came on after the osteopath did some stuff. Kosher stuff, nothing untoward. Then nothing for a whopping 37 days! That’s is really long time, trust me boys and girls… that’s a long time. My breasts have never, ever, ever hurt so much in their entire lives. Yes my breasts have their own individual lives. I was actually woken by breast pain. Now I know breast pain can be linked to menstruation etc so I’m not worried for these pups. They are fine now. Really don’t worry. I do regular self-breast exams. Everybody should. (I will tell Dr Ben tomorrow)

Oh another new first for me. Remember when you were a kid you might have walked out of the house with your blanket, toy or stuffed animal. Well there were a few evenings last week where I had to leave the house, and I did with the hot water bottle in hand. I don’t care what I look like. I don’t. Now don’t be too embarrassed for me, I only took it out where hot water bottle and I wouldn’t be judged. We went on a field trip to the waxer. When you are having the hair ripped out of your legs hot water bottle makes it much better. Hot water bottle is also a great companion in the car. As I’m writing about hot water bottle I feel that he should have a name. I have also decided that it’s a he. He wears a grey cashmere coat from The White Company. Have I gone crazy… yes! Please send name suggestions in the comments box. Until he gets a proper name the abbreviation of HWB works.

On one of my HWB evenings I called Michelle up and she was in Waitrose. I told her I would visit if she would buy some GU chocolate soufflé. You know its bad when you demand specific food to visit your friend’s house. HWB and I had yummy chocolate soufflé while visiting Mich.

On the topics of deserts, the new flat mate D is a very good cook. He is a Teacher so we’ll call him Teach. Teach made yummy caramel chocolate tart. We’ll keep Teach. We tried our first pub quiz last week, we failed miserably but it was still nice.

I need to add a little heavy in now.

Mark’s coroners’ police inquest into his death (suicide) is happening tomorrow. I’ll be attending because I want to go. A bit morbid I know, but I think it will be a good thing in relation to closure. It will be nice to see his family, and it will also be sad because I’ll probably never see them again. Death is a strange thing. Even if you want to keep in touch with the family is doesn’t always happen. I shouldn’t feel too bad. I had only ever met them once and that was at his funeral. I suppose its just that I knew so much about them all, as he would fill me in on details etc.

Now for some random thoughts and facts

·       This is going to sound bad but its not, I’m really pleased. The Canadian Supreme Court has had a unanimous ruling in favor of doctor-assisted suicide. Prior to this the only option was to fly to Switzerland to the Dignitas clinic. Yeah Canada for letting your people make a decision on ending the debilitating pain. I listened to 2 very different but relevant podcasts. The first is the CBC showas it happens. Both sides of the debate were discussed. The second podcast I love so much! It’s called The Moth. Its been going around for years. Even if you don’t listen to all the stories try and listen to the episode that was aired on January 28^th 2015 called Radio Hour: Doctors, Prom andEllen. The 2 I liked the most was Prom which really really upset me and the story for Sue. 4 stories are discussed and the first and the last are the best. 

·       The sock monster prevails in my home. He has been with me my whole life. He eats my socks and I never see them again. In case there is any confusion, he eats only one sock. In Canada we had a dryer so the sock monsters appetite was immense. He ate regularly. In the UK he is on a bit of diet but this week… he ate 3 socks. The socks that he doesn’t eat I keep in a bag, I can dream of a reunion.

·       My aunt has separated from her husband of 28 years. They are still living in the same house and she is in her son’s room as he has moved away. I wanted to get her something to make her temporary space cozier, more her and more new. I bought her new bed linen for a single bed and posted it to her today. It’s going to be a strange gift but I hope she like it. She’s too old and way to cool to be sleeping in F1 race car sheets. The whole room is F1… not anymore.

Best I go to bed its late, wish me luck for my visit with Dr. Ben and I hope the inquest is not awful.