What do I want? Suggestions welcome

Today has been a bad day. 

Work is a bit crap and I'm not sure how to fix it. Those that care about me and that includes some management want to know how they can help me. What do I want to do? What would I like with my future, career prospects etcetera. What do I enjoy doing?

Listen up folks! I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!!!!

I am very capable, smart, intelligent and most important I get things done. All good qualities that have kept me in respectable employment my entire life. 

Despite this it hasn't produced an enlightening career. (Just a good pension)

Today someone asked me if I want to be a bus driver? He was only helping. He has 3 sons and just started listing things off. No disrespect to the bus drivers out there but that's one job that I know is not for me. 

Then there is the whole malarkey of school and going back into education and re qualifying. Aside from the the fact I don't know what I want to do I also have a mortgage. Yes I'm grateful for the roof over my head blah blah blah but have you ever thought of the word Mortgage. Mort is dead in French. Only another 21 years to go! Once the house is paid off then that might be a good time to change jobs! Eeeek I want to scream. 

So that's been my day. It's doing my head in. Even talking about it is pissing me off. I'm sick of my own voice and I have a nice voice. Every once in while I'll even get a compliment on it. 

I made some decisions pre Camino 2009 and then when I returned I out them in place. All well and done but I can't walk every-time I have to make a decision. 

I would like to add that despite me feeling a little sorry for myself and tearing today I still have great perspective of my life at large. It's only the little picture that's I'm concerned about. 

This sums it up. I bumped into an old  colleague at lunch today and asked him how he was. Vast majority are a little dismayed with the situation but that a blanket feeling. He didn't even have to answer the question but have me a look. I replied with I know and he smiled. He then took out a staff ID swipe card for another guy with his picture on it. He replied, this guy (pointing to the pic) has 6 months left to live, so really I'm ok. 

I replied I know what you mean, I volunteered at a paediatric hospital for years, so I too know I'm ok. 

xx