I’ve spent the
last 4 days in bed coughing my lungs out and watching copious amounts of
Netflix.
Some time in the
middle of last night a documentary I had tried to download months ago, finally
finished downloading. I’ve just finished watching it, its called The (Dead Mothers) Club. It was on HBO in the US.
I found out about
it via twitter in May as some of the people I follow were raving about it.
Particularly Dee Kras, her blog Not skinny in LA is worth a read. Anyhow…
Dee’s mom died when Dee was young and this doc really touched home in other
aspects.
I was telling
Steph about it in June when I was in Italy although I still hadn’t seen it. Steph’s mom Barbara had also died much
younger than an appropriate age. (Appropriate ages for death are when you are
in 3 digit figures…. 100 plus is acceptable… anything less is not allowed.
Please note the name of this blog is The way it is according to moi)
This death dying
thing is really quite a biggy and it comes up in life every once in a while, sometimes
more often then we want. On Sunday I watched a film in the cinema that really
brought back some memories of a teenage friend that had died. The film is
called A Fault in Our Stars. Good teen romance drama with a twist of the big C.
Here once more we are reminded why I don’t write movie reviews as a profession.
When I was about
20ish my friend Emilie died of a brain tumour. Barbara also died of the same
thing. Tumours’ are a strange thing, particularly brain tumours.
Anyhow let me
attempt to get back on track. While watching a Fault with Our Stars there is a
lot of ‘I love you’ being said back and forth. It made me think of the most
important I love you that I have ever received. Now it’s not from my parents,
or my siblings, or my fiends, or my colleagues. It was actually from Emilie’s
mom.
It was Easter
time and I knew Emilie was on her way out. I called the house often that long
weekend and got no answer. My gut knew they (her and her family) were in the
hospital now. I was working at one of my most favourite jobs Blockbuster video
(back in the VHS days) well my dad had called me at work, to tell me that when
he got home, there was a message on the answering machine for me to call
Emilie’s mom Julia. Even though that was all the message said, I knew. I had a
weird feeling for a few days. I’m not someone that really needs mothering from
my own mother but sometimes you need a mom. My mom was living in the UK and I
was in Canada so I went to see my sister’s best friend’s (Ashley) mom (Gale).
As mentioned in earlier posts, Steph and I have been friends since 7 and Ashley
and my sis have been friends since 4. I know Gale pretty well.
I drove over to
Gale’s and she made me some tea and gave me some cake. I was totally together,
not even crying. It was time for me to call Julia, give my condolences, offer
any assistance and get funeral details. We didn’t talk for too long, not much
needs to be said. Neither of us were crying on the phone but as she hug up the
phone she said ‘I love you dear’ and then the floodgates opened. I was
completely beside myself. This lady’s child has just died and she’s telling me she
loves me??? Why??? What did I do?? I only did what I think necessary for any
human. Be a good person, a good friend etc.
I moved the UK
very soon after Em’s death. Just coincidental, nothing to do with her death but
it has made keeping in touch with Julia hard. I’ve lost contact with her. We
did Christmas cards in the early years but nothing for at least 6 or 7 years.
Maybe I’ll write to her but I don’t know if she even lives at the address any
more.
Watching Emilie
get sick and sicker was hard but I had a much bigger gripe with her so called
friends that all seemed to go a little AWOL. Em and I were friends though
college, we didn’t know each other that well but we were friends. I’ve always
made an effort. It’s strange quality of mine because I the only one in my
immediate family that does. I remember the last time I saw her alive. My mom
was visiting Canada for a few days and we were going to see Emilie and Julia.
The tumour had really taken over and so Emile could not walk, talk, eat. The
eyes are very powerful; they have the ability to speak. I was a quite afternoon
in the country. She lived in Apple orchard countryside of Canada. The 4 of us
just spoke and nodded. Julia fed herself and Emilie while my mom and I fed
ourselves. From memory the 3 of us had apple pie while Em had a more easier to
digest version. She was a really skinny and I remember Julia making a joke saying
that I should come over more as Em was eating that day. (I would have come over
more but I didn’t own my own set of wheels and it’s a 2 hour journey on the
highway – far)
Anyhow… Im not
entirely sure why I’m sharing this story but a little part has to do with one
of the lines in film. I don’t want to give the film away but the dying character
is worried about being forgotten.
I don’t think
people should worry so much about being forgotten because most of us make an
impact in each others life all the time. Its just when you least expect it.
Sending Juila,
Steph and everyone else out there a really big hug xxx
