Should have declined the call

Holy fuckeroo! I wanted to end the month of May with other blog worthy topic but I had a call a few hours ago that I need to write about. 

From the last entry you’ll see that my dad was in the A&E with a UTI. Then the following week my sister was rushed to the A&E with a pseudo brain tumor. She had gone for a routine eye test and they saw something. Fast forward blood tests, CT scans, MRI, lumbar puncture, neurological doctors and more optometrists. She will survive! (she has Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension)

She can’t change her gender (let’s not go there), or her age, but she can change her weight and get to a healthy BMI. I have thoughts on that too but she is choosing to take meds with side effects while working on her weight.  Her body, her life, her decisions.

She’s been trying to help my dad pack. He moves out of his house of 30 years. I’ve declined flying across the pond. My bro who is 5 hours away has also opted no. So my sister and my father’s ex wife (aka my mother) have gone to help. 

Now remember my dad and all of my family are hard work. Good people but hard work. I jumped ship at 22 and this is how I’m still standing. (I moved across the pond). I’m not saying any of it is easy, however if you have been breathing on this plant. You will know that you can’t change people. You either accept it or walk. It’s as simple as that. Yes it’s all complicated and nuanced. Yes for every action there is a reaction. But you need to make a decision and accept it. Bitching and winging doesn’t help anyone. If you have to get it out, find a healthy way. Get a therapist, get a coach, move your body, find a sport, go into a sound booth and scream. (Write a blog post)

Side note: I personally scream with my kettle when it’s whistling. It’s super loud. Stainless steel stove top kettle. Plastic electric kettles are dangerous when it comes to Microplastics. 

So on Monday, the moving trucks arrive at my dad’s to move him to his assisted living flat. My sister and my mom were at his place today trying to do final things and then it went all wrong. It was the fault of my dad and my sister was starting to see white spots. The strong meds she is on, is to prevent blindness. So my mom decided that they should both leave and go back to their respective homes.

All of this is cool. I get it, there is jack shit I can do. 

However she calls to recount the whole story, bitch about him and call him an asshole. Side note.. can you imagine what the divorce was like. Having to listen to her for all of that. 

Not my fucking problem. Don’t have kids or in my case… it’s too late so just leave me alone. I’m going to have to go back to not taking calls.

The brain is such a mystery, the entire time she was talking, I was super numb. It’s like I checked out and walked away. I was listening but there is no emotion. Now I use my energy, time and effort on staying regulated. I did a good job. I was deregulated for most of my life. 

Laters 👋 

That was tough

This weekend was not easy. On Friday, I had found out that a family friend had passed away at 61. The day was an opportunity to visit the family at a community hall and pay your respects and condolences. It’s almost 3 hours away from me but I knew I wanted to go. 

I’ve had a spiritual teacher for many years and prior to having a mortgage, I travelled a lot. I would go to speaking events on the topic of inner peace and there would be all the same familiar faces. This man and his wife were part of the group. Everyone is so happy and joyful, we would often stay in the same hotels, share cabs, meals, smiles, hugs and say see you at the next one. 

My faithful blog readers know that I have been through a lot. Even looking at me and smiling is very BIG in my world. We all need to be seen, and this is one of my biggest childhood wounds. (Thank you coach for teaching me and helping me connect the dots). For the 2025 parents out there who are hiding behind their phones when their child is with them. Just stop. Anyhow so I’m talking to the deceased man’s kids, maybe they are in their late 20’s. I didn’t have much to say other than I’m so sorry and your dad was so nice to me. He was so nice to everyone. I’m talking to them and tears are rolling down my cheeks, just as they are now. I have never even met his kids let alone seen him in years. My aunts and uncles who are his age saw him much more and so I was with them during the visit. 

Then there is the cat. So I have always been afraid of animals, I like them but don’t go close, touch them, stroke them etc. This fear came from my mom, maybe my dad, too. However, I moved countries at 22. Now, when I’m driving in the countryside and I see sheep and cows. I’ll stop the car if it’s safe and talk to the animals, This has been going on for at least 15 years. If friends have dogs, they have become friends. Cats less so. For ages, I would say that they are snakes on legs. It’s just that they can appear out of nowhere. 

Last year after many years of the cat next door living there, he warmed up to us (housemate and I) and vice versa. 

During my heartbreak re the Lion. The cast would sit with me for hours. He (cat) mostly just sleeps, that’s what cats do, especially old ones. Our home is safe so he can really let go and not have to nap outside with one eye open.

Yesterday he was really sick, there was pain in his eyes, and no energy. It was scary because we didn’t want him to pass in the night outside. His owners didn’t even bring him in etc. 

So I said to my housemate. Some creatures, including humans, who want to die alone. The number of stories where the families have just left the hospice the person dies is countless. And then there are others, that don’t want to be alone. They are scared. That is the cat, that is my dad. ( we will get to Dad shortly). So the cat slept through the night next to the housemate in his room. This morning housemate and I confirmed that neither of us slept. Monsieur cat is alive, slightly less lethargic and out of the house (albeit the fact that he is on the mat literally outside the front door)

(Pause to apply conditioner- yep this entry is from the office / my bathtub)

Now, let’s get to my dad. I’m already upset about recent bereavement and cat. Then I find out from my sister that her and my mom (sister doesn’t drive) are bringing my dad to the A&E / ER on Sunday night with a suspected UTI. What I find sad is my sister would not wait with him in the waiting room. I know my dad has brought so much trauma upon us but he’s not going to have an outburst in the waiting room. Plus he is majorly showing signs of dementia. Am I being unreasonable when I think it’s sad that she won’t stay with him. There is zero point going into it with my family. All I said was he would wait with us for all of the emergency visits. He did have 3 kids. Her response was, he’s the parent. There is truth to that too. 

Anyhow, he left the hospital after 1am and another patient in the waiting room ordered pizza and gave my dad 2 slices. My dad offered her money and she said no. That’s the man that he is. 

Both my parents are not bad people. Just deeply wounded. 

I’m crying again. Maybe it’s going to be one of those days. It’s also a full moon and my period is due

TTYL

Erin Napier - my favourite celebrity mom

So it’s Mother’s Day in North America. Personally it’s a total bullshit day, just the same as father’s day and Valentine’s Day. Do we really need a commercial day to celebrate mothers, father’s, caregivers and love. At the same time, I’m all about celebrating the people that feel like parents to me. I think I tell those people often, they know who they are. 

So I would like to dedicate this blog entry to what I think a good mother looks like. I’m picking a celebrity mom that I adore. 

The trophy for good parenting and a healthy loving relationship goes to Erin Napier and her husband Ben. HGTV is my favourite TV channel and Home Town is my favourite show which is hosted by Erin and Ben. One day I’m going to go visit Laurel Mississippi where the show is based and I’ll stay at The Heirloom Hotel. 

Let’s get back to Erin. Here is an interview with her and her husband Ben. I wait for a love like there’s.

Now here is the reason I think she and her friends are rockstar mothers. 

I enjoyed this episode sooo much! They talk about values that the 3 moms work to in-still in between the 8 children collectively. Erin talks about the importance of boredom in kids and how that actually fosters creativity. 

I also enjoyed the story of when the family went to visit the big apple. 

If you end up watching either, share your thoughts in the comments.

Some updates

So I write this from my favourite office location, aka the bathtub. I’ll write as long as I’m not in a prune state. 

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before but when a woman is in water to birth, be it the sea with dolphins (my preference) or a birthing pool. She won’t shrivel up. It’s the universe god just amazing. 

Let’s go through some big updates from the last post in September 2024.

The Lion was not to be, we can only meet people as far as they can go. I’ve done the work and carry on doing it. He hasn’t. Letting him go and turning the corner has been HARD but I’ve done it now. 

I’ve completed 9 weeks of one to one coaching with lady who is one of the biggest and greatest blessing that I have ever had. She see’s me, guides me, loves me and supports me. Thankfully, she has multiple degrees in behavioural science etc but man does she get people. Coaching for me has been more profound than all my therapy. 

I wish I could tell you all to skip therapy and get a coach. Actually, I would say get good therapy. I think finding a good therapist is easier than finding a good coach but if you luck out like me. OMG! As for therapy, get some EMDR people. 

I also mentioned my dad’s cognitive state.  Sadly, it’s only decreasing and he will be going into assisted living in June. In October, he will be 80. He’s the first person on my mom’s side (I have no contact with his side) to go into assisted living or any sort of supported care. The 3 others in the family who would have benefited all just drank themselves to death. I know I may sound blunt but that is / was the truth. 

He will be going from a pretty enormous 3-bedroom house to a 2-bedroom flat apartment. There will be a guest room for us to visit. Sadly, I don’t think we will. 

I also know how terrible that sounds but it’s the truth. Yesterday I woke up from a nightmare of him yelling and shouting at me. He had / has a vicious temper. He also loves his children (and probably his ex wife) deeply, however he is too wounded to show it. 

Gosh, this makes me think of the time when my mom was in a hospital bed sedated and totally out of it. They were already divorced. He stood at the foot of her bed and sobbed. I have a feeling I’ll share this story at his eulogy one day. 

My job job continues to be very fluid and changeable. I’m doing a 1-month trial in a new role. So far so good. Grateful to have a job, and grateful to be getting ADHD coaching at this time. Only took 4 years but let’s count the wins. 

I have some friends who have jobs in Europe. For years now I have said that I will go visit them and stay at their accommodation. It would just be a weekend trip. Well I kept on waiting for the Lion and other excuses. I emailed the friend last week and they had 4 days left before they were heading home. I have now learned my lesson. No more waiting. Just go and do it. 

So I looked at flights for the city, hotels and food. It creeps up, so I’ve opted for a cruise!

I head off next week and I’ll share more soon

TTYL x

PS. I’m too tired to do a grammar and spelling check now. Will come back to it.