Units of energy

Friday October 23rd 2026

Location: back on the tube and then the train heading to Richmond to see Mr.Richmond (original I know) and Cauli. Is it bad that I haven’t given her a prefix?

Before I go into units. Can we talk about this. 

Why has adultery become so fashionable. I don’t really live under a rock, 🪨 I know it’s been happening for millennia but why isn’t there more conversation on the actual devastation vs the lust and excitement of it. What about the cold hard truths. 

Remember a few months ago I told you about my friend, stay at home mother of 2 with a successful husband when it comes to his career. Well according to me, he’s not successful at being an honest man. I told you then that he was having an affair and how she would out days before Christmas. 

I met up with her and kids a few months ago. Sorry I can’t remember of if I told you about the meet-up or not. Nonetheless, the recap was.. they will see. 

As of a week ago their beautiful home is on the market. It’s a beaut. I also saw it before they did it up and gave it a full remodel. It’s also listed which made every modification more difficult. It’s an expensive home to keep with many acres too. I’m pleased that the financial pressures will alleviate a little. It will be a huge shock to the nervous system of the kids. Right now they have the ultimate dream neighbours in my eyes. Sheep (I much rather see sheep than humans that shy from the work and live in deep trauma). Who knows where they will end up. A property with land is harder to find than a nice property. I only want the best for her. Here is the bit that made me sad when it came to her text. It wasn’t the unknown of the marriage or that the house was on the market. It was that she had to stop therapy because the baby was crying. What’s happened to the world, the village, society. Where the hell is he to hold his kid. Let’s not forget it was him who decided to dip his member into another woman. 

Big sigh 😮‍💨 moi. This is their journey, their path. It has nothing to do with you. 

I’m already deeply depleted of units of energy so first step is start preserving the tiny amount that o do have. Then eventually start storing more and living a little. Exercise would be a bloody good start. 

Side note. Yesterday I texted Coach Renee that o looked pregnant, proper pregnant vs fat. I was tempted to take a picture and show her but I didn’t. 

She is so right! Later I was at the shop and I had chocolate 🍫 in my hand. Then I put it down. 

This morning a girl on instagram said on her story. Why pollute your body. Something hit them. It is pollution (except strawberry Nesquik - have I mentioned that I’m a hard nut to crack). In all honesty, I need to see results and fast. That’s what I need to focus on in the beginning. Start seeing a shift. 

Ok units. 

When I was at the gig there was stinky couple to my right and 2 guys behind. Normally I make small talk. Now I can’t be bothered. The biggest surprise is that I didn’t say bye 👋. Even I’m running low on units I still manage a bye. I wasn’t even depleted of units. I just couldn’t be fucked / bothered. They didn’t say hi to me, so there is no loss by me not saying bye. This is either a win and I’m learning, it’s a very sad. I’m undecided. 

This morning loss of a unit that was a shame. I realised too late. This type of unit loss could be called Bizzy Body. I was on vinted when I noticed that a piece of clothing was advertised correctly. The fabric size label didn’t match what they entered it under. Why can’t I be someone that notices, clocks it and moves on. Why do I have to be the saviour. Why? Well I messaged the seller to let them know of the error. 

On the positive I realised 2 seconds too late. Lesson learned.

I’m about to get off the train in a minute. The plan is to not ask questions. Let them chatter etc. Don’t ask how they really are, or what’s going on in their lives. If they choose to share great. If not, no probing. Wish me luck. I’ll report back.

I did call the pub and ask for candles in their breakfast. One birthday was yesterday and the other is Monday. 

(I am great deep down - just deeply flawed too) of well. They get candles 🎂 

3 hours later. Post Breakfast 

They forgot the candles on the breakfast. Growth is I didn’t say anything to Mr.Richmond and Cauli. Had I, that would be  rooted in the wound of attention seeking. Having them reply, oh that’s so thoughtful of you etc. never mind the pub forgot. By me not voicing anything, the gesture of the candles is still there. It just didn’t come to fruition. 

Let’s talk about observations and communication. I’m sorry if I sound shirty. Cauli got to Richmond early. This is fantastic news though I did not praise her. It’s not my job. She’s been late to things for things consistently so it’s nice that she wasn’t. She went to a coffee shop and messaged the group. This could be an FYI, it could mean come meet me if you are early too, it could mean, let’s walk together seeing the coffee shop she choose was outside of the station. I just replied with a thumbs up and I’ll see them at the pub. I didn’t even need to do that. If someone wants something then be clear. Use your words. Communicate. I’m not guessing any more. I’m not here to meet your needs. I barely meet my own needs successfully. 

Breakfast was nice, bit subdued. A large part was me not asking questions and attempting to go with the flow. When I did talk more, it sounded like a probe. I would say I resisted 100% with Cauli and about 85% with Mr.Richmond. His father is 91, he wants his young adult children who live overseas to come and visit his father. When they have been local, they didn’t want to, and so he doesn’t want to “force them”. I then opened my big mouth and said, Well, have you explained that’s it’s something important to you, and that you would like them to see your father? (their grandfather while he is still alive.)

His answer was no. Then Cauli pipped in and said, ‘Oh, Communication!’. It’s seems to be a joke these days. I know she’s not intentionally trying to the take the piss out of me, but I’m done. Again. All the people in my life are the same, I’m the one who has changed and and I’m the one who wants different things with my life. 

Fast forward a few more hours after o left them both was home. My right knee started swelling, and I became cold and shivery. Part of me doesn’t even what to go to school the next day. It’s far and I don’t like driving in bad weather etc. 

I left a voice note with Renee and she reminded me about my patterns and give me homework. There are parallels with all the people in my life including my parents. She wants me to explore that this weekend and report back on Monday. 

Sunday evening I’ll write a chart. 

You know when someone is taking to you but it feels loaded, like a judgment or a comparison. Cauli brings up the same subjects. Am I seeing my expensive dentist that she once saw before the prices went up. I didn’t even answer the question and she went into being priced out. HELLO! It’s your life, your money, your teeth! (Yes it was fucking me who convinced you to see MY super friendly knowledgeable dentist after you hadn’t gone in a decade. But that’s done now). Just say, I’m not prepared to pay her new prices. And why do you even care what I do. One day I might decide to take a shit with bank notes / paper money as toilet paper. 🧻 That’s my prerogative. 

She’s going to NYC soon. I love that place and Mr.Richmond lived there for almost a decade. It’s an expensive place. You pay for what you get. He was saying it’s about £300 a night for an ok hotel. That’s correct, the hotel that I hope to stay at is The Beekman which is closer to £600 to £700 a night. 

I’m getting sick of even listening to my own voice, she’s not staying in Manhattan and will explore other areas. That’s great! The end. 

Do you remember silence of the lambs with Hannibal lector. (That movie was sooo scary). Well I wish that there was some sort of human muzzle to prevent me from talking. (I don’t have an eating humans problem. See the movie if you don’t know what’s I’m talking about.)

I’m going to meet the 26 girls who I will spend the next 3 years with including 6 weeks of residential time scattered throughout the 3 years. 

These girls don’t know that I can be fun and nice, then don’t know anything about me as of now.  Wonder what introductions will be like when we all meet. Will I instantly be drawn to some of them more than others. Yes. That’s how humans work. I wonder if it will be like high school and you know right away who your click is. 

Side note - not sure if this was the same for you. So many friendship groups seemed to have changed over the summers. You would come back in September and those who were best friends weren’t and new groups emerged. That was my observation in an all girls school. Maybe this will be the same. Not the breakups and makeups. The girls bit. 

I am a born leader even if I don’t want be all the time. Thus time to step back. Wish me luck with my imaginary Hannibal lector face mask.

Have you heard of stickerbox. Now I hate AI but I’ll probably get this rubbish and make stickers of moi. 

It could be fun. 

Here is a New York Time article about it. 

I’ll report back if it can make me a sticker with a silly mask 😷 on. The gadget is for kids and AI has been trained to not print rude things. I’m sure someone has hacked that.