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I am a Canadian who has been living in London UK for the last 14 years!! How did that happen?

Monday, 11 August 2014

Another one bites the dust

I'm in my mid 30's and I'm averaging a funeral a year, sometimes 2 for the last decade or so. 

Although cancer is a fucker. I almost get it. Suicide on the other hand is a lot harder to digest. You'll know from previous entries that suicide is not new to me. ( I always like to point out. Not me but other people I know. Some quite close to me)

Well this evening after yoga I came back to my room to a bunch of calls from Alison. Calls, texts, Whatsap and Viber. Although the 2 of us are very different we are also very much the same. We are, each other's people. This doesn't mean we talk daily or see each other. We just know where to find each other etc. When ever we are on holiday we leave the other alone and have very little contact. If we do, it's always initiated by the one who is away. It's their time away. So when I saw she tried to reach me that many times I knew something was up. 

I called her and established immediately that she is ok. The next was her family, the nicest people and always so kind to me. They too were ok. I explained that I had to eat and she told me to call her after dinner but that was a clear sign that she needed to tell me something. I wanted to know then. She said it was bad. It was. 

My dear friend Mark is dead. He died  last Wednesday / Thursday. Neither of us know the story but I know he took his own life. He hasn't been in a good way for a while, but I was hoping things were getting better. I spoke to him 3 days before he died. He shared a lot that evening on the phone but our call got cut short when his brother rang him. I never spoke to him again. I'll never be able to speak to him again.

I'm not in shock, I'm just sad. I rarely experience shock anymore. Everything just is what it is. Maybe it's the way I cope. Maybe it's the way I live. All I know is that I was lucky to have him in my life. He was in one of the more caring professions and trust me when I tell you he helped a whole lot of people. 

He leaves behind a wife, an ex wife and 3 kids. The youngest isn't even one.  Depression is a real fucker! I just wish people would talk to each other more. Communication.... So important. Meds alone is not the answer. 

Anyhow,  Alison is trying to get funeral details for me tomorrow. 

After speaking to Alison, I joined the yoga group for dinner and told a few people who were sitting next to me. I didn't tell them because it was news. I told them incase I started acting strange. And what is strange Leena like? I'm the same, but less chatty and I become even more of a thinker. You can tell that I'm somewhere else. 

As bad as this news is, I found out in a nice place and there are enough people that I can ask for hugs from. I got 3 good hugs this evening. 

Alison is not the huggy type but she'll give me one when I'm back. I'm hoping to get a few more too when I'm back.

And that's it. That's my day

Be kind to one another and love one another Lxx

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