Alignment and it’s importance

​Do you remember Sesame Street? Each episode was brought to you by a letter in the alphabet.

I think this blog will be brought to you by a listening soundtrack and location of where I’m writing to you. 

Today’s soundtrack is David Bowie and I’m writing from Hampstead Heath. It’s been far too long since I’ve been here. I’ve only been here for about 29 minutes and it’s healing already. 

This is one of my favourite parks and I should come here more. One of my most favourite London streets is here. I dream of living on this road one day. Check out Hillway, Makepeace Ave and Langbourne Ave. Big pretty houses. Probably normal American size but big for the average Brit. I think I like it because it’s something that would you would see on TV. To be honest, these houses look quite American really. Anyhow, it’s a private gated community called Holly Lodge Estate. 

Now for my typical contradiction, I don’t believe in private roads and estate. Go figure. 

If you find yourself in North London, check out the Heath and these roads. It’s all up on a hill and you have beautiful views of London at night. 

If you have noticed already, I’m a slow cooked stew. I need at least 24 hours to fully understand my feelings. As mentioned in yesterday’s post. It was a yuk day. Now I can get into it. 

The housemate was projecting his shit onto me. I was aware of this in the moment but I stayed silent instead of using my fucking voice!!!!! This male having a tantrum shit is long and old. We all had to stay silent when my dad was loosing his cool. That happened for my entire upbringing until I left home. Maybe you can say I’m smart to shut up, but I’m old now. I’m safe now, I don’t need to keep my trap closed. 

So let’s get into yesterday. He (housemate) is doing very well financially, he’s frugal and saving for his own place. That’s fine, that’s his choice, his decision, his prerogative. He’s  changing companies and will now be self employed with the majority of his work coming from one new employer. The lady in the finance team suggested that he opens a business account with bank A, and avoid bank B at all costs. It’s a nightmare and it goes wrong. 

Well, would you guess what this bright spark decided to do? Guess.. go on…. The application for Bank A was tedious and he had a hurdle. Bank A actually exits in brick and mortar, he could have gone into a branch to sort etc. But no, he opens an account with B and gets his back dated pay sent there. I’ll spare you from all the details but for reason unknown. Bank B have frozen the account with several grand in there. 

Then he tells me that he’s sought legal council and will be taking the case to the financial ombudsman etc. (this is all fine, I don’t give a rats)

This is when I somehow seem to have got involved. My reaction or lack of seems to have got on his nerves. His FREE legal council have instructed him to say that he’s been violated. 

Are you serious??? All I responded with, was “that’s a strong word. My friends who have been raped have been violated but if you want to use that word then go ahead. I wouldn’t, but that’s my choice.”

He then leaves the room mumbling, “I knew I should have never told you!”

Let’s take a side pause, do all these men need me to be their fucking mothers. Yes son, this is the most terrible thing in the entire world. Give me a fucking break. Can we put this shit into perspective. You’re alive, your healthy, you live in a sweet ass house that’s safe, clean, warm etc. You HAVE money in other accounts. (I pay all the bills). You have not been robbed, you will get your money back. The end. 

Of course staying silent I did not voice the above, it only adds fuel ⛽️ to the fire 🔥. He then proceeds to send me these texts: 

According to him I don’t understand words well enough. 

I chose to use no words. 

What I NEED to do is pay off all debt, save and live alone. Or find my person and then we can live together. 

Now let’s talk about alignment. From what I’ve witnessed is there are a lot of people that don’t necessarily think about how important alignment is when it comes to values. 

There was a post on instagram in the last few days. A man has called off his wedding due to finding out his fiancée opinion in the Lindsay Clany trail in the US 🇺🇸. Gosh there is so much to say on that trial but I suggest you open a paper and form your opinions. 

All I have to say on the matter is for the man writing this text, he tapped into what matters to him. The end. 

*ignore - his spelling is as bad as mine. 

Detour - while at Hampstead Heath one of my friends (mentioned in this blog) has asked if I want to go to the mall. Why not, hibernation starts on Tuesday.

Many hours later. 

Big fat F for fail. My sister texted and wanted to give me an update. I replied asking if that was a good idea as last time she abruptly left the monthly family call. I also suggested that she could leave a voice note but she wanted to talk. She said it would be 10 minutes. 

First I will recap the call and then add my comments after. Normally, I interject my thoughts on here, in the real life call, I remained silent and just listened to the offloading. 

PS. I’m not going to recap her mental health - start reading the blog from May 2026.

She saw her psychiatrist on Friday to discuss her going back to work. She wanted to be signed off as fit to work. He thinks she is not ready for full time work for at least 6 more months. He wants her to do a phased return over 6 months with the end goal in 6 months being 3 days a week. So this would look like almost 8 weeks of each stage. 1 day a week, 2 days a week and eventually 3 days a week. No conclusion has been made. A decision will be made on September 17th. She needs to check with her employer if they will still subsidise her sick pay. She is currently being paid 65% of her full pay. If she goes to 1 day a week, will her pay drop to 20%? She needs to find out. She has told the doctor that she won’t be able to live on that. ( I know UK rules, no idea how the Canadians do it).

From now to the 17th she will be researching clinics to go have a mushroom trip for her anxiety and depression. She needs to find one and see if they have a space for her. If she finds one the psychiatrist will agree etc? (Yes sounds confusing). The mental health hospital where he is based can’t help her. She is not severe enough, the waitlist is long and he suspects the referral will be rejected. When I asked about daily talk therapy since April (when she went off sick) she said the most she is getting a 1 hour a week. The hospital have not deemed her severe enough, they could not offer group therapy either. When I asked if she would pay for it herself, her response is, I can’t. I’m already out of pocket for my weekly counselling. 

She then went onto my dad, she popped over last week and prepared food for him in the fridge with labels etc. She suspects that it’s all gone bad. He’s loosing loads of weight, he barely eats and when he does it’s a small child size portions. He has another blood test soon and she is trying to get social services to tend to him daily ideally. He is also in a lot of pain. My mom (his ex wife) will pop over today with food from a local restaurant that he likes. 

At this point it was 10 minutes, I told my sister that everything she said could have been explained in the monthly call. I said I’m not sure what she wanted from the conversation. She replied that she didn’t want anything other than to tell me and that she won’t be attending the monthly calls anymore. 

Now it’s back to me and my thoughts commentary. I’m pretty well versed when it comes to alternative ways to treating trauma, PTSD. I stayed silent but I’ve been keeping au fait with what’s out there. If you know anything about me, I deeply believe that nature, plants, god, herbs, animals can sort most things. That can look like mushrooms, ayahuasca, DMT, bufo (toad venom), kambo (frog secretion) etc. 

Here is the thing folks, she is only 2 years younger than me. I know her trauma. I KNOW it. The issue is, it’s not going to all be gone / cured on a trip. It may very well make things a lot worse. 

Please, please, please explain to me why she has not actually tried very frequent talk therapy. She needs about 3 hours of talk therapy a week and she needs EMDR for specific events in her life. THIS IS WHAT SHE NEEDS. 

Can you also explain why she and my parents have not paid for this. I’m so pissed off with this bullshit “it’s not covered by the insurance”. Well Fuck the insurance. Especially if you have the means. (Side note. I’m super pissed that Renee’s insurance doesn’t cover 100% of her double mastectomy)

Between my mother, father and sister they have the money. They travel the world frequently. Why not spend some money on mental health. How about that?

Now I love the NHS and am so grateful for it. However I have paid for ALL my therapy, counselling, EMDR privately. 

While on that topic, I also pay for acupuncture, osteopathy, massage, reflexology and homeopathy privately. I have spent a large, large fortune on my wellbeing. I also have so much to show for it.  I may sound a bit unhinged on this blog, but trust me folks. My head is screwed on so tight. I’ve got my shit together and I can probably deal with anything. I already have a really colourful report card of what I’ve already experienced and survived in my life.

Also I’m not like the majority of people I know who just go on vacation to escape their lives. I sit in it. AND I will be deeply sitting in it, in my upcoming hibernation period of 3 months.

As I’ve been writing I’ve been questioning if I should pay for her therapy? Should I? Then I think that my parents could / should. That would require me suggesting it but that’s a no. I’m like Harry and Megan. I’m a non acting royal. I have no vote, no say. I handed in my notice of being an active family member along time ago. (This is / was to protect my mental and physical health).

But to conclude on the above, this is what I’m going to promise my unborn children. I will do my damned best to raise healthy emotionally regulated children. I will raise eagles 🦅, my home will not be filled with turkeys. For translation for those that don’t know the Dave Ramsey way. Kids need to move out and experience life (eagles) they can’t live and home forever and eventually graduate to the basement (turkey).

Side note, if I ever lived in North America again, I would want a house with a basement. You just don’t get that here. If anything it’s a cellar and this house doesn’t have one. 

I’ll end  this last part on alignment and some food for thought. At what point as people do we need to agree or not. I get that we are all different and diversity is important. We can all bring different things to the table etc. I get that, I really do. My question is about the down time. When we are not at work and it’s our personal private time. Should I spend time with people that get me.

Here is real time true story from today. Friend and I are in the mall, killing time. We end up in a shoe store. He pointed to some shoes and said these are really popular these days, but they are expensive. I then replied with let’s play a game. If someone came up to you and said you can have any 5 pairs of shoes in the store, what would you pick. I was genuinely expecting him to point to a few. He didn’t fully get it so I said, “Any 5, would they all be for you, would you gift and pick something for someone else etc?”. He then fully understood the ask, and pointed to a shoe in the back. He said I would get 5 pairs of them and sell them. They are the most expensive ones here. 

Guys! That’s not my person. I need to be with people who have imagination, wonder, fun. His answer was very pragmatic, but in this messed up world that we live in. Do we always need to be pragmatic. 

Love ya

PS. Please can someone comment or engage in this blog.