You couldn’t make this shit up

​Well, well, well. Where do I start. Let me try chronologically. 

Reflections from the Friday (I posted in the evening). 

My time with Cauli was interesting, it was good that we were both doing an activity but not walking side by side. We got to see the queens clothing and then came back together to discuss a few outfits. - so light conversation of no meaning or depth. 

Earlier we were chatting and I went into my health and what’s really going on in my life. Important things, real feelings etc. When it was her part, she just recounted her recent trip in great detail. I’m really happy she had a good time, at the same time I know nothing about how she is really feeling, doing etc. No real life presence at all. Not sure how things will pan out with us in the future. Think it will be the odd catch up here or there. 

Then the hospital and the rest of that day. I touched on it a bit but it was intense and heartwarming too. There really were 30 people in the hospital room. Thank goodness it was a room for a single patient. Also you can’t take the practical Virgo out of me. The room was roasting so I got the nurse to open the window so that there was fresh air. Am I autistic, weird, odd, sensible. I have no clue. 

So back to normal feelings, emotions, connections. All of this is my personl observations. Less so of what I was feeling. If I felt it, it was a tiny sliver. 

We need to start with names. We’ll call the deceased 71 year old as DM. His wife will be RDM. School friends of the 3 daughters were at the hospital. So were the 3 husbands and their siblings or folks. Then there was so so so many blood relatives from DM side. Since the news broke, the second eldest granddaughter was flying from Australia where she is doing her year abroad. DM’s youngest brother and nephew flew in from Abu Dhabi. A very close family friend in India was sorting out his visa to come to the UK. And I believe a Hindu priest is also making their way to the UK from India. Remember, I did say DM was a very religious man. 

It was DM’s brother who drove me from the hospital to the family home, it was here he went through the story. Effectively what was heartburn was actually major heart stuff. 

At the house it was quite chilled, for most people, it hadn’t hit them. The family ordered 10 veggie pizzas and that what we had for dinner. 

It’s worth you all knowing, that I actually know what’s needed / required / expected of being a good Gujarati girl. The issue is I’m tired a lot. Having an autoimmune disorder is one thing, adding a cold or any kind or virus just knocks me out. I didn’t have it in me help out in the kitchen or anything at all. I was actually in a room that the family have nicknamed old Trafford. One of their grandsons is into his footy so the room is full of posters and it’s a kids teen hangout room. I was in there on a beanbag talking to the teens. 

I like kids and teens, this why I tried to be a children and family social worker. That wasn’t to be. As you’re reading this and I’m writing ✍️, I think it’s quite clear that I’m hanging onto a whole lot of baggage. Actually you can go back each entry and clearly see where I’m not healed. (Now that’s some big self awareness).

The next part is I’m the same age as most of these kids / teens parents. All of their lives have progressed in a normal fashion but mine hasn’t. Also I know there is no such thing as normal. 

Now back to the family stuff. I wanted to contribute and I’m a thoughtful person. I knew on the Saturday that lots of family would be coming to the house from 11am. So I told (vs offered) them that I would stop at Costco in the morning and pick up fresh croissants, pain au chocolat and muffins. I asked if they wanted any thing else and they were happy with that. 

That Friday evening I had a rather difficult conversation with my mother, sister and brother. The purpose was to recap the day’s events, say who was there etc. But there was arguing and my mom and sister barking. Then my mom talks in the most stupidest voices known to man. Half robot, half idiot. She strains her voice as if I’m the one who’s lost my marbles. Amongst this shit show, she hijacks my shopping plans. Now she is having a say on what I’m getting etc. She then explains that it’s customary for the sister to buy the food for the sister who is now widowed. She then proceeds to say that she’ll pay for the food. 

I was also coughing my lungs out and pissing at the same time. It’s not pretty, pelvic floor can only do so much, but after months of coughing, things are bad.

Saturday September 12th 2026

Saturday morning at 7am, 2am her time I get texts and pictures of what she wants me to get. 

You have to remember some about my mother. The world revolves around her and she has no concept that other places, countries etc operate differently. 

This is what she wants me to get in addition to purchasing water bottles too. 

I spoke to her briefly after receiving the text and explained that you can’t purchase coffee like that in the UK.

This is what I bought. 

When I got to the house I sat down for a few minutes, seconds passed before I was told that I should be serving others. Honestly sometimes my life feels like Downton Abbey and they think I’m from the servants quarters. I was feeling so shit that I had to just ignore the old lady. I wanted to tell her that I was the one who went to get all of that food etc. 

Side note, my aunt and her 3 daughters all slept together in bed on that first night. I have zero idea or clue what love like that feels like. Zip, nada, nothing, zilch.

After lunch I left, I was feeling sooo rough. 

This is what my uncle texted me. 

Hi Moi. 

Hope you are feeling better. You looked rough when you left from RDM house. Take care. We just got back. 🤗

He’s a nice uncle so if he’s letting me I look rough, it must have been bad. 

Sunday September 13th 2026

I was feeling too horrible to leave the house and be with humans. I just stayed in. 

Monday September 14th 2026

I had to call in sick and I went to see the GP. Here is the mind boggling cracker of it all. Fridays chest X-ray was clear, GP heard my lungs 🫁 also clear. He just told me to rest. No antibiotics, nothing. 

Later that day I texted my mother:

I’m absolutely baffled. She has the means, she is choosing to not come sooner. She also chooses to go on vacations etc. everything she does is her choice / decision. 

The more I think about my mom the more sick and poorly I get. She is someone who genuinely believes that when you bring children into the world, they owe you. It’s sad really. It’s all so sad. I remember a single hour therapy session we had in 2024 online. It was her, her therapist and me. She was going on about my going to private school. WTF! What am I supposed to do about that? Am I supposed to pay her back. I’m just baffled by everything she does and says.

Tuesday September 15th 2026

I went to the house this evening, had dinner with the family and then stayed for songs. Normally is a live band but they just played songs for an hour. You still sit in silence other than clapping with the tune. Love is so much better but I appreciate the cost. There will be live musicians on the Friday. 

I Shazammed a lot of the songs for you. None is in English but you can listen for a couple of seconds to have a feel for it. 

As I left the house I hugged my aunt the widow RDK goodbye. She then said to me, your sister is coming and I said that I don’t know, I don’t speak to her. She then proceeded to say that her daughter had spoken to my sister. 

I then went to ask that cousin. Thing is, my immediate family choose to not inform me so that I look like an idiot. My cousin said that my sister was still deciding. 

Here is the thing folks. There are only 2 kinds of people on this earth. Those that run up and those that don’t. It’s as simple as that.