And so it’s begun

Location: the tube heading to St.Pauls Cathedral 6:30 am

In my ears: Noah Kahan (prep for December gig)


Well my 5 weeks of chill time has well and truly begun… again. I did try this in September and that failed miserably with a few scattered events in the calendar, then the death of my uncle and the visit with my mom. 


I can safely say other than work events, school and medical appointments. My calendar is clear. Time for me, myself and I to sort things out. 


It’s been a rough few days. I can’t be bothered to go into it, just know that it was painful and I looked like I was having a stroke. My left eye was shutting down etc. during this time I was happy that I was single and childless. I really don’t want a carer or a child to have to care for its parent. O see if all the time and that’s not what I want for my future or now. Therefore, embrace single like while I sort my life out. 


The first day of school was good ish. I was exhausted from the day before and not sleeping much due to nerves and anxiety. I also pre plan bullshit when I know better. 


My parallel parking skills are extra special. Best friend Steph use to say that we would need to hail a cab 🚕 to get to the curb 😂. I miss her. Since she had kids I have never seen her without them. They are all in double digits now. Anyhow. I’ve invited her to NYC for my Birthday in 2028. 


Right.. I even got myself lost there! Because I stress about parking, I leave early etc. I got there fine, parked right next to the wall and then jumped over the passenger seat to get out of the car. It’s a faff but it works. 


I recognised a few girls from the taster days in January. Lots of interesting people that felt, drawn, pulled to do this course. So many of them have had very varied careers, like me in a way. Our age range is 26 to 74, kinda cool really. 


As for today, I’m going to the 7:30 service at St.Pauls Cathedral. I wouldn’t say I’m religious though I love old buildings and things that have been around for much longer than me. I feel the same in forest and I’m always admiring trees.

After that I’m squeezing in breakfast at a place in the city that I’ve been eyeing up for ages. It’s popular and works on reservations. 


It’s 7:14 and I’ve made it to the cathedral entrance. I’m the only one here so far. I have a very busy mind. I have for years and years. It’s calmer in churches, forests, top of mountains, floating in lakes etc. 


A few hours later


Meeting done. Heading home to continue working. While on the tube I’ll write some more. 


Breakfast was ok, I liked the place but o won’t have the same dish next time. 

The place was packed with men having business meetings. It’s always interesting to me listening to boys talk to one another. The conversation beside me started with recent holidays, one to Disney with the kids while the other went to a wedding and had flight issues. Once ‘normal talk’ was done, right into business where I switched off. There was some talk of politics too. Is it be, or is this really boring. 


Why do I crave people to talk about the existential crisis of man, society etc. 

…. And then you wonder why my nervous system is shot. 


Yes I know I’m a walking case of contradictions. 


There is has been a train crash in Madrid. The first thing I did was text the friend I hung out with in July when we were in Brighton. I should go back to those entries and see if I gave him a name. He’s a cool Apple. It was so easy to talk to him, you would say too easy. Anyhow, he’s off on this adventure of life. I’m sure we’ll catch up soon. My brain is always boggled how different men and women are when they come to work. Guys can do so much without all the emotion that woman bring. 


There is no right or wrong, it’s just important to honour and see the difference of the two. We need both for a successful society. 


Bit nervous about coaching tonight. Renee is ‘shocked’ by my last entry. Yes I can see how judgy it was. I do write with some dramatic effect too. 


A few hours later.


Our session was fine, she’s so full of wisdom and she’s so invested in me in a good way. Not for monetary purposes but she believes in me, my future, and the people I will support when I go into practice (as a homeopath)


Laters

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