Adults will do what they want

​August 22nd 2026

I don’t know where to start it’s not even 6am  on Saturday and what I was going to write about has slight been side railed. Then again.. it follows on the theme of my family which I was going to update you on. 

I’ve just read this text in the family thread from my sister directed to my dad. 

@⁨Dad⁩  let me know when you have news.

FYI family. Daddy is in (local) hospital. He fell/passed out at (nursing home) today around 3pm after having 2 1/2 vodka cocktails at the cocktail party there.

He also vomitted. (Friend) was with him, nurse came and they sent him to (local) hospital by ambulance. I spoke to him at 8:30pm and have not had an update since.

Now what am I supposed to do with this. Here are some of the options 

1. Do nothing 

2. Do nothing 

3. Do nothing and grab yourself a drink

I am going with option 1, or you could say it was option 3, but does a tea with lots of honey count. Well save the vodka cocktail for another time. 

Let’s look at this from different  angles. He’s an old man, he has cancer, 2 of his 3 kids live far, he is emotionally stunted and never leaned to express his emotions, he likes alcohol, he especially likes free alcohol. And in his head, he is probably offsetting the drinks to his extortionate rent. 

(If this was a more balanced blog, I would go into the cost of caring for the elderly etc. In the UK if you want to be in nursing home that doesn’t smell of stale piss, that will set you back £1400 to £1600 a week. Yes you heard me correctly. - do I have a pension that can accommodate that. NOPE. Let’s stress about that later)

Now, so I think my dad will become an alcoholic in his 80’s? The answer would be no. Let’s leave that to my mom’s side of the family who has many alcoholics. I’ve been told that the PC term is alcohol dependent. I’m not feeling politically correct this morning so tough! 

Maybe he was drinking because cancer sucks. What really sucks is I think, he thinks that the treatment is working. I sure do hope it is, but from what I have seen in the chat, he’s had bad reactions to all the treatment, so did it take or not… time will tell. 

The sad thing is my sister’s mental health is probably not improving one bit. (I have boundaries - she doesn’t)

Let’s move onto my mom. This update came to me yesterday, so recently enough. 

I was having lunch with my aunt and uncle who I hung out with in July when I was in Brighton. Also there was the friend I’ve mentioned here before, the one who took care of me post surgery, has an affliction to those who don’t eat ALL the cauliflower (leaves and all) and recently had her Volkswagen broken into. She needs a Nickname. We’ll get to that. For now we’ll call her Cauli. She the same person that cared for me post surgery.

Cauli was running late so it was just me, my mom’s sister and uncle. Right away my aunt tells me that she has pneumonia and is on antibiotics. My aunt is a good person, she has no interest is shit stirring. It’s just very awkward as my reaction is honest (and maybe disappointing). I said, oh I didn’t know, she hasn’t told me. 

Many many hours later

It’s now Sunday August 23rd 2026.

Your listening soundtrack for this part is: 

Dance Yrself Clean by LCD soundsystem. Volume LOUD and get through the whole song! I’m watching you. 

It’s amazing as I’m stilling in my (fat) as that so many things continue to progress. 

I don’t want to loose my 1.5 people readership so let’s try and stick to a flow.

Father

Mother

Cauli 

I only know what’s going on with my dad via WhatsApp. (I hate WhatsApp - text me instead) Would you rather read the bizarre comms months the people that share similar DNA with me, or a recap. For today I’ll cut and paste.  So leave comments 

Sister updates about my dad:

Just spoke to daddy and doctor.

His alcohol was 0. So that was not a factor. He did not fall in elevator…

Threw up at the reception on ground floor, (friend) brought him to elevators to go to his room AND hospital. Then he fainted in the elevator. Is likely going to be discharged from (local hospital). Needs to eat and drink. And we have to follow up with his doctors at (city hospital).Blood pressure was high, and 💩 is still an issue. Doc will give him a discharge summary when they send him Home.

I just spoke to the doctor. They are going to discharge you soon. Brain scan does not show anything new or worrisome. Hemoglobin has dropped from last year 130’s to 111 to now in the 90’s.  Likely due to blood loss. Dr is reducing one of his blood pressure meds.

Then there is a whole load of chatter on eating, taxi’s food deliver and bleeding from his rectum. 

Then a text recap from the friend. My dad must have asked her.

Hello (dads name)

Yesterday at 3:30 you and I went downstairs to enjoy a drink of vodka with the other residents.  At 4:30 we sat outdoors for 10 minutes and left. In the elevator you collasped in front of me.  The nurse and I helped you to walk to a bench in the hallway.  You vomited a bit and were very tired and weak. Ambulance arrivéd later and found your blood pressure to be too low.  You Were taken to (local) hospital and not city hospital because low blood pressure.

(I find the word enjoy quite amusing in her recap, clearly she is judging herself)

Who knows what’s going on with my dad, I think he had a CT scan too. I just keep them in my prayers and that’s all. 

Now let me attempt to explain the mom stuff. At lunch her sister tells me that she has pneumonia, I then spend far too much time thinking… am I supposed to reach out to her. Should I call my other aunt to find out exactly was aid in her siblings WhatsApp group. 

I then left a voice note to coach Renee. My contact with her is for one hour session and voice notes Monday to Friday. I spoke about my mom and Cauli. I’ll get into the Cauli stuff too. 

Apologies that you need a seatbelt to stay on this ride (aka my life)

I’m now going to insert the transcript of her message to me. (Coach - please don’t me mad - if you need me to remove it, then I will). I have never learned so much about myself through one person. She is pure gold. 

Transcript start:

You just answered your own question, honey. At the end of the message, you said, what's wrong with people? I'm going to put this in its proper place.

You answered your own question.

Because people that want to do something, will do it. If they want to be your birthday, they'll be there. An outfit does not stop a person from going to a friend's birthday party. And the back and forth the minutia and the draining of the energy with people like that in your energy field is exhausting.

Do you want to be exhausted? 

Do you want to be taxed? 

Do you want to wonder? 

All the things. 

The same thing goes with your mom. These are adults. If they cannot figure out their life, it is not your responsibility, and at no time, should you be reaching out or playing guessing games with anyone in your life? Ever. You shouldn't wonder how people feel about you.

You shouldn't wonder if they want to go to your birthday. 

You shouldn't wonder if they're coming. 

You shouldn't wonder anything in any relationship whatsoever.

This is the collapsing of a system that has had such a heavy impact on you. You do not need these kind of people in your life. Yes, it's your mother. We will always need and long for our mother attunement. 

Our mother to make a stand for us. 

A mother to be our mother. 

But at no time should you be wondering if you should reach out to someone. Ever. 

And at no time should your mother or any other relationship keep things from you that are important. 

And at no time should you wonder if you should reach out. 

And at no time you should wonder if somebody's going to be coming to your birthday party or not?

The people that you want at your birthday party. The people that you want in your life will tell you, “I want to be there”. 

End of discussion. 

I want you in my life. 

End of discussion. And if people want you to know something, they will tell you. 

It's not a mystery. 

It's not a game. 

It's not a mind fuck. 

It's not a back and forth. 

Adults, that carry the responsibility of adult behaviour, will communicate with you clearly. There will be no guessing games.

And you said it at the very end of your message. 

What is wrong with people?

And this tells me that these relationships no longer align with you, and then they have to be put into their proper place. 

Okay? You answered your own question. 

If your mom wanted you to know she has pneumonia she'd let you know. 

Maybe your mom needs everybody in her family group chat to feel sorry for her.

Maybe that's their family dichotomy.

Obviously she's well. 

Otherwise, don't you think everybody would know?

Obviously, it's not killing her.

Otherwise, obviously, it's not urgent Otherwise, obviously, she otherwise…

Think that stuff through. 

You do not need to spend 20 or 30 minutes of your day wondering what a grown adult is or is not. If they're ill or not ill.

If you should reach out to them or not. All of that. 

This is why you get so exhausted. It's the mental exhaustion. Then the body is at a state of transfer between an old world and a new world, and it immediately shuts down. It says, this does not feel good, and then you're coughing, and then your stomach hurts, and then you have headaches, and you have migraines, and then and we can just call it anything we want to call it. 

Well, I'm in my luteal phase, and this and that. 

It's irrelevant. 

All of that is minutia and it's irrelevant. 

Does it have anything to do with it? Maybe, yeah, of course. 

But here's the thing. 

I don't have headaches. 

I don't have stomach aches. 

I don't have any of that. 

Because I don't have people in my life that trigger in me old cycles and wounds that make me not feel good about myself. 

And if they do, l just move on. 

I just move on. 

No one is worth my peace. 

Ever.

Transcript End. 

Isn’t she the BEST! It’s a bummer that I doubt my own thoughts at times but that I can bounce ideas and thoughts with someone. The best thing about her is that her wisdom is not rocket science, it’s just common sense. It’s also the truth, and we need to accept that truth hurts. 

I came out of my mother’s vagina, and she doesn’t want to tell me she is ill. That’s fine, she an adult. I also CHOOSE to not get immersed is her stuff. If she wants me to know, she’ll tell me. 

Now for Cauli, I made the girl cry. I wasn’t trying to make her cry, I was just being honest. She is so loving and caring but has never worked though her own stuff, and this make emotions quite confusing. I have also stoped suggesting that people get therapy. Heads up folks. Do you know what happens if you sweep your entire life under the carpet? Eventually your head is touching the ceiling and you have to crank your neck. Under the carpet is so full it’s taken up the room (and your life).

First I’ll go into the Birthday stuff. Here is my repetitive rant on birthdays. It’s a big deal! It’s huge! Take the blinking day off. Don’t go to work. Sleep, eat, swim, walk, see friends if you want. Thank the universe and god for the blessings of your existence. And if you are worried about aging and death? Get use to it. Don’t fear death. It’s coming and you can’t stop it. All of this was written in the beginning. Even who we were born to. It’s all predetermined. What you can do is have a shit load of fun and clear karma debt if you feel inclined. I sure do and it’s what I’ve been doing for the last few decades. (I wonder if I’m going to loose a few readers here.. but I don’t care)

Since 2022 I’ve been properly organising a birthday dinner and a London restaurant, it’s also getting more fancier as the years progress. I pick places that have impeccable service and good food. 

If you’re curious, here is where I’ve chosen in previous years. 

2022 and 2023 was Dishoom

2024 I was walking the Camino de Santiago again - so special

2025 Ave Mario (everything in the Big Mamma group is so good. The bars are beautiful)

So for this year! I’m going big. You know the saying, go big or go home. Lucky Cat here I come

In January of this year I was watching Being Gordon Ramsey and I thought, man I should go there for my birthday. Please can one of you tell me why on earth I choose to wait to May to book. Seriously.. I’m not that dim but I guess I was having a moment. The only time I could get a table for 8 was 21:45. That’s 9:45pm for my friends who don’t like the 24 hour clock LOL. 

Let me tell you about another cockup in my planning. God knows why but I went out to the group to get their preference if it should be lunch or dinner. Seriously… what was I thinking? It’s my birthday, I want to be on the 60th floor of this fancy London establishment and view this great city. What the fuck was I thinking? Why did I even ask. The problem with me, is you give me a shovel and dig myself a hole. I don’t need to be accommodating for anyone. You know what else. After the upbringing and life that I’ve had. I can have a fucking great time on my own. Look at the New York trip… and yes that blog entry will come. 

So when I put the call out about the Birthday, Cauli said yes. When we met on Friday, it’s now a maybe. 

She listed everything you could think of, the time, the cost, what would she wear. The icing on the cake was when she said that she was worried about FOMO. Fear of missing out!!! Hell no… you don’t attend my birthday because you’re worried about missing out. You come to celebrate the rock star that I am. 

What I verbally said to her is that you come because you want to. Not because you are worried about missing out. That comment was just stinky and I almost want to un invite her. I need clean pure energy around me. As for the dress code, I’m done being everyone answer for thing. It’s clearly on the website that you can wear jeans and trainers (running shoes for my North American readers). Folks I’m not here to persuade any one of anything. 

It’s a gross as attending a wedding because it’s a big party and not because you want to celebrate the couple. Gross yuk 

This next part relates to coach and birthday.  My beloved coach is having a double mastectomy on Monday August 31th. I know she will be fine but please pray for her. The USA is not like the UK when it comes to healthcare. It does not cost a single penny in the UK to have the same procedure. Also most UK employers. According to the internet,  you need at least 8 weeks off and my employer will give up to 5 months off on full pay. Coach’s corporate employer will give 70% pay for a period. At the moment she is going to take 6 weeks off. Anyhow, her beloved niece created a go fund me page. I’ve mentioned  it on my instagram and I’ve donated. I donate to charities or anything that I feel is a worthy cause. This is a good time to say that I’m still a bit of a shit tipper - but I donate. One day I’ll be a kick ass tipper too. 

Here are the texts. 

Now I want to win the lottery and make it all better. I also think it’s very kind to donate. HOWEVER…. Don’t twist things. That’s not how it works. 

I’m not here to appease anyone’s inner conscience, feelings or thoughts.

I’m on a roll so I’m going with it. Here is my public service announcement for all of you. Go read The Secret, or watch the film. Even the audio book. The background music is soooo cringy but the message is important. It’s the law of attraction. The universe is listening. Align your thoughts and actions with what you want. It’s as simple as that. 

In the previous entry I explained how Cauli’s suitcase was stolen from their family car. She wanted to go into a store to look for replacements. That’s cool with me, I said that’s fine. However as we are looking at the clothing rails she’s saying, oh I bet they won’t have it, I’ll never find it. 

⁃ what the fuck! If that’s what you really think then why are you even bothering!!

I remained calm and just said, if that’s what you think then that’s what’s going to happen. 

After that I just went to look at separate rails. People, I know I sound like a cow but I adore this person, she has filled and huge mother wound in the past. But I’m better now, I’m doing so well and I see people and wounds sooo clearly. Also it is not part of my journey to change people. You either hang out with me and learn my ways via osmosis, or you don’t. 

I’ll see her again when we go see the queens clothing exhibit. 

As for making her cry, or tear is more like it. I booked to see Noah Kahan in Amsterdam in December (post detox). I asked if she wanted to join me, she said yes. Where I massively screwed up is i didn’t lay down what I was offering etc. When it comes to her family holidays it’s all planned etc. that’s not how I travel. I also don’t give 2 hoots about hotel breakfast unless it’s The Beekman New York. I love a good breakfast and they make good breakfast. I plan on staying there one day. 

Ok back to the story. I pretty much said the text exchange hotels and flights was overwhelming and did not feel good in my body and my nerves system. The current invite is to attend the gig and spend a day with me. Happy for her to plan that day if she wishes but it’s just a day. Sort your own flights and hotels. Also decide if you want to come. She has the choice to do whatever her heart feels. Maybe in time she maybe even dump / divorce me as a friend. Do what feels right and spend time with people that are aligned to your thoughts and values. 

Now onto feelings and trusting your gut. I’ve been coughing non stop for very long a week, the improvement is sooo slow and fucking painful. We won’t even talk about my poor pelvic floor. (Crying). I’ve been housebound for days. 

Last Thursday housemate was in a foul mood. He’s another one who doesn’t easily express his emotions. I also think that’s because he barely gives it any thought. Humans are so reactive. Anyway, he didn’t say anything in particular nor did he pick a fight. He was just off. 

I then had a feeling that propelled me to get up and get out. I took an hour walk and moved the energy. Movement is the easiest way to change energy. I really need to move more. 

The next morning he tells me that he’s going to be away until Sunday. I’ve lived with him for 8 years. He only makes last minute plans to stay with him mom is if she or his sisters are unwell. He also keeps his cards sooo close and I’m not playing games. If he wants to tell me what’s going on he will. Simple. As he left I told him that I know he has lots on. I can’t remember my exact words but it was about, work, heath and family. He said all. 

I wished him well. 

Getting back to the point, it’s like my body knew I needed to leave the house and the energy. I take on energies and this is something that I need to work on. 

This is a whopper of a blog entry. 

If you made it to the end, give your a pat on the back.

 xxx

PS. Because I’ve mostly been housebound, I’m been cooking more. Is making sandwiches cooking?

Please admire my BLT with turkey bacon