The last 5 days

Sorry that I didn’t post as planned. I was basing this on the cruise where I had time to myself every night in the cabin to unwind before bed. 

New York was not that. I was out walking daily and ended my evenings almost comatose. I waked about between 20 to 40 thoughts steps a day. That’s a lot for these teeny tiny size 36 feet (35 in heels 👠 in case anyone is shopping of me) PS. Girls and boys, learn your European shoe size. Stay cool. 

So I’ve been back from the big apple for 5 full days. Maybe this delay integration has been necessary. Before i get into New York magic, let’s talk about the other regular characters in my life. 

Housemate is good and home life continues to be smooth sailing. He continues to cook for me and feed me! I continue to do a bunch of the pink jobs and he does the blue ones. Remember there is very little conversation here, it’s just working. You would hope so after living together for 8 years. He’s also got better at saying thank you. Unfortunately too many people in my life forget these words but it’s getting better.  Tonight I fixed his fire stick. This man was born in the 70’s and tech is not his thing. Additionally he can build a house with his hands. This is hot. And no! I have no, I mean no feels for him. He’s my annoying brother if anything.

Had the monthly family call. Yes 60 minutes is all I can handle for the people that gave me life. As I write this, I do feel the pain but I also know that I’ve been working my whole entire life to heal from deep trauma. It’s all down to the cards. In some respects the deck I have been dealt with is not great, but I am able to play for the long game. This just means, 1 family holiday a year and 1 x 1 hour call a month. 2026 Holiday was a cruise. Quite cheap too? Under £1500 including flights. 2027 Holiday is going to be a bank buster! Claude Ai said it would be £6500. It’s Kenya / Tanzania safari resort holiday. Yikes!!! This is also because I refuse to share. Unless you are allowed in me (spouse or husband to be) then I rather have my own room. Single exception is Oxford friend, as we have been friends for 22 years and can share tents. (Glastonbury - the home of my soul) (take a look 2015 blog about the last time I was in Africa)

So! On this months call, it was better than last months when my dad couldn’t get the camera to work, he then looses his cool and leave the call. Dementia dad is not easy, but because I’m so lax about it, I just go with it. I don’t say, remember when, or remember you said. I mostly just say, I think you should write this down. My dad has been writing things down for ever. He just has a million books, diaries and calandars. The sibs (siblings) have made even more calendars for him. The only small talk that my dad can make is about money. If he lived in his big empty house it would be cheaper than his old people apartment block. We all had to tell him it’s a bad idea. Then he asked about going on holiday, then he asked if either sib could accompany him to see me. That’s was another no. I told him family trips are better for everyone. Then my brother tried to remind him that he needs to be in remission first and that an ambulance has been called out to bring him to hospital twice this month. He needs to get better first. My dad listens to me, sometimes for his sake I need to be really really blunt. I think it helps because he’s really on the spectrum. I told him that if he is abroad or in India where he would like to go, that is anything happened to him. I would not be in a position to go see him. I told him that dying alone is probably not what he wants. Guys!! I know I sound like a totally bitch but the bro and sis want him to stay out and get better. So my comments help towards that. 

There was some conversation on the trip. Mom was born in Kenya, Dad was born in Freddy Mercury town. That’s the reason to visit these places. My mom hasn’t been there since she was 7. Looking at google maps, it’s a whole lot of dirt. This trip is open to the wider family and I’m opening it up to all of you. The more the merrier. Safari is amazing, that was the best part of the 2015 trip. The other great part was sleeping in a tree house with no electricity. Loved that too. I have 14 months to prepare my nervous system. 

There was a part on the call where my sis and dad were going back and forth about a medical appointment, day, time, place. I asked if they could sort that after the call amongst the 2 of them. My sister then threw a tantrum, huffed and puffed and left the call. Folks it’s safe to say her mental health has not improved at all. She’s been off with depression since April and I have no idea when she’s going back. I hope she has a job to go back to. PS. She continues to holiday. Yes you heard that. Most of us do well on a holiday. Just don’t forget it’s an escape from  your real life. Sometimes a trip is reset but I fear her whole life is an escape. (Same as my mom)

Remember I told you in a recent entry of my friend whose husband has been cheating. I spent most of the day with her and her girls. Lots of talk on marriage. Now I’ve not been in either of their shoes but we are the same age and I have seen a whole lot in my life. I’m not saying any of it is easy. But this is what I know. 

You can’t drop the ball, you can’t become complacent. Know the adultry stats. Here is a cut from the internet. However, relationship research and data from family therapists indicate that pregnancy and the first year postpartum represent a high-risk window for marital strain and infidelity. 

I think if my “one day” marriage all the time. Not everything is pink and blue jobs. In her case. All and I mean all jobs were hers. He brought home the bacon in a stressful demanding job. 

What was really nice about the 2 of us meeting is we could have honest conversations without judging. On paper and assists her life is amazing. I told her that I would be happy with so much less but a partner that was present. She understood. Also you need to have date night, you can let that slip. Staying together for the kids never works. There needs to be more. I know so many people that split when the kids went off to university or when they retired. They just don’t know why they are together etc. 

Whilst yapping away I came up with a new analogy. Her and her husband had a garden forest. Then there was a terrible storm, hurricane style. Now they are planting seeds (starting monthly date night after a decade) BUT they need to get external help. Clean up crew to remove the fallen trees. Aka. Couples therapy. I really hope they choose therapy. I’m wishing her lots of luck. 

This blog entry was supposed to be all about NYC. 

Guess that will be the next one.